Tired of trying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Yati, Jul 27, 2015.

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  1. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Hi, I've been in software development for about 3 years, and I've gone through several different jobs so far. Technically this one ends in two weeks because the position is being eliminated. I'm feeling defeated and no drive, I keep applying to places and it's taking so long for people to respond. I don't know if I even want to do this anymore as a profession, I enjoy programming, but things just never seem to turn out for me. Either things get really high stressed or with the current position just gets eliminated because of a merger.

    I've been having issues getting my medication, my wife and I ordered it through a mailing service and things have gone out of control. I'm currently out of my anxiety medication and rapidly running out of others. There were complications with the orders not being processed ASAP when we requested it because my wife is getting a new job, but the insurance won't kick in for a month. Now I have medications lost in the mail, they literally have passed through my city and been shipped to other cities by mistake 3 times now. The current employer insurance won't cover us getting a month script to go to a pharmacy because they've already paid for 3 months supply in the mail.

    My basement has flooded in the past month and I have to remodel it, luckily insurance covered it but so much was destroyed.

    I just keep having thoughts about ending my life do to all of these events. I'm just tired of trying anymore because life is repeatedly just kicking me in my nuts. I have a supporting family, two wonderful dogs, and a wife. But everything just seems dismal and bleak. I have a back up job that will take me back full time but it pays crap, which really isn't a worry in the end because my wife getting a new job makes up for the pay difference, it's just that I'll have to go to working IT second shift and not see her that much.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I can understand the anxiety, anxiety is a hell of its own. Is there any chance you can get these medications you need elsewhere legally of course. You might start having withdrawals if you do not get your medications which could be a significant issue. I am sorry to hear you lost you job but glad you have a back up one, that must be a huge relief for you.
    Keep talking to us here, we care :) Talking helps.
     
  3. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Thanks, I'm doing a bit better today, and there is not much I can do for at least one of my medications because it is a schedule 2 drug and the insurance is being paranoid about it. I am not ordering meds through the mail ever again even if it is cheaper.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What is a schedule 2 drug? Is that like valium, xanax, ativan, morphine, is that what you mean, a controlled substance? I ask because those are the worst for withdrawals and because I am unsure of what a schedule 2 drug is where you are. I hope you can get everything sorted out, you don't deserve to suffer :(
     
  5. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Yes a controlled drug it's for my adhd and I'll go through withdraw.

    Also, now I'm doing much worse because they moved up the termination to today.
     
  6. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    I'm really wishing for death now... I don't know why because I hated it there.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Ah I see. Sorry you can't get your medicine sorted out, that's clearly going to be a problem for the days ahead but you can come here for support. :hugs: when do you think you will have it sorted?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2015
  8. Yati

    Yati Well-Known Member

    Some of them are coming in today.
     
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