Hi, I've been in software development for about 3 years, and I've gone through several different jobs so far. Technically this one ends in two weeks because the position is being eliminated. I'm feeling defeated and no drive, I keep applying to places and it's taking so long for people to respond. I don't know if I even want to do this anymore as a profession, I enjoy programming, but things just never seem to turn out for me. Either things get really high stressed or with the current position just gets eliminated because of a merger. I've been having issues getting my medication, my wife and I ordered it through a mailing service and things have gone out of control. I'm currently out of my anxiety medication and rapidly running out of others. There were complications with the orders not being processed ASAP when we requested it because my wife is getting a new job, but the insurance won't kick in for a month. Now I have medications lost in the mail, they literally have passed through my city and been shipped to other cities by mistake 3 times now. The current employer insurance won't cover us getting a month script to go to a pharmacy because they've already paid for 3 months supply in the mail. My basement has flooded in the past month and I have to remodel it, luckily insurance covered it but so much was destroyed. I just keep having thoughts about ending my life do to all of these events. I'm just tired of trying anymore because life is repeatedly just kicking me in my nuts. I have a supporting family, two wonderful dogs, and a wife. But everything just seems dismal and bleak. I have a back up job that will take me back full time but it pays crap, which really isn't a worry in the end because my wife getting a new job makes up for the pay difference, it's just that I'll have to go to working IT second shift and not see her that much.