Tired of trying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tired of Trying, Mar 1, 2009.

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  1. I don't really know why I'm posting this, but I think I'm very close to ending it all. I can't take the pain of life anymore. I have no friends, no money, a job I hate, I'm 28 and had to move back into my mother's place, my dad died two years ago, I live with physical pain everyday from a bad back, I have a mysterious GI disorder that noone can diagnose and has made my life a living hell, I haven't been kissed, let alone laid, in years, and I just lost the most important person I ever had in my life.

    She's the one person I could really trust, and could always count on being there for me, and she stopped talking to me a couple months ago. I'm also madly in love with her. Losing her friendship has been devastating, and with all the other shit I have to deal with, it's the straw that broke the camel's back. She was the last good thing in my life, and now I have nothing. I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to wake up to tomorrow, and I'm at the point where I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. I just want to lay there and cry. I just don't know how much longer I can stand this pain.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey tired of trying,
    Welcome to the forum!! I can realte to your friend problem.. I pushed everyone away from me twenty years ago and have lived a life of isolation ever since.. When I came to this forum it was literally a life saver because like you I just didn't care anymore. The friends I have made here are genuine and very caring.. I found a new voice and now I reach out dailey both for support and also to help others. Give us a chance to see if we can give that kind of support to you..
    As far as relationships go I'm not much help because I have failed in that department my whole life.. I have finally given up trying.. I am also an old fart so it was easy for me to come to that decision..All I can suggest to that is to keep trying!! Maybe others here can help you more with advice on relations. There is also a forum here for loved and lost..Take Care!!!
  3. Thank you for the sentiment, but it's just a matter of time for me now. I need to get my affairs in order, and then I'm gone. I just can't do this anymore.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    STOP!!! I've been there...many times...exact same problems and exact same feelings aside from the GI. BUt I've had, and still have the back pain and psychological issues. I've been in therapy 25 different times. I've made the plans. What stopped me? The thought that there would be someone, if only one whose life would be changed forever in a negative manner by losing you. There would probably be many. So unless you have a terminal disease, please hold off. I don't have all the answers, but somehow I've made it to 50 after 1st thinking about it when I was about your age. You can, and will make it through!
  5. I don't think there's anyone whose life would be affected negatively if I left this world right now.
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Tired, people would miss you. Chronic depression is no joke, and it really does a number on your confidence in other methods of healing. To add insult to injury, the majority of counselors and family and religious leaders clearly haven't the most cursory knowledge of what it's like to be depressed, let alone chronically. And for physical pain to be added to the equation i== horrible!

    But there are many people in this forum that are like you and suffer from chronic depression ; Depression that has lasted for decades...I passed my marker a couple years ago. There are people who understand and who care about your wellbeing.

  7. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Do you know why she stopped talking to you?
  8. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Are you my twin?? Seriously... That sounds like my life pretty much. Really.... heh. :laugh: But what I think you're failing to realize is that hitting the bottom of all bottoms is actually good because then there's only one place to go-- up! :smile: I've been on a downward spiral for a couple years but finally... and I'll add that I had been hopelessly sad and depressed... but finally, FINALLY, I was able, through deliberate effort and a little "luck..." I was able to get everything turned around and I'm a lot happier now.

    Relationships are a cruel thing to get involved in, IMO, and exactly for reasons like this. Heh... This probably sounds crazy but you can't let it bother you FOR NOW. Of course, you'll want to assess this situation in the future but just forget about it for now. Focus on your own life and the essential things that need to be done such as bills, etc... See a psychiatrist if you have to... If you're religious or spiritual, you might focus more on God right now instead of people as most people obviously don't have much wisdom.

    I know this doesn't work for everyone... and might be a foreign concept... but most people never cease to amaze me in how they allow themselves to become so overly attached to others. I don't think that's healthy. I can personally live without every single person I know, if I have to... That doesn't mean I don't love them but.... I think it's better to be self-confident with friendships and relationships as a secondary importance. But that's just me.

    Here, just listen to this wise and old smiley-- He knows best-- :eek:ld:
  9. I have no idea.
  10. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Why not ask then.
  11. I have, but it's hard to get an explanation out of someone when they won't talk to you. At this point, it really doesn't matter though.
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