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Tired of trying...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Bambi, Aug 9, 2009.

  1. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Well like the sign on the door says Let it all out...

    I am tired of trying...I am not suicidal but my efforts to have a normal life just never seem to work and I don't know what the fuck to do anymore I really don't so I am just going to stop for now. What the hell was I thinking.

    I came in here to yell and ended up crying..oh well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 9, 2009
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well if crying helps to let it all out then go ahead hun. You can lean on me if you need to. It sucks when you're so tired that even trying to stick it out til tomorrow is an effort. But for what it's worth, I know how you feel so if I can help please dont waste a second to call on me. Hugs and kisses just to give you a little perk ya up!
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately crying does not help these particular thoughts and feelings but many times it does.
    I just feel so stupid for ever trying to be normal, like a fool really.

    I have one friend in this world that really knows me and that I trust-how sad is that. He is great and forgives my flaws and sees me as human but it is unfair to expect him to understand all that I go through, be there for me ever time I get sad and he himself is going through a hard time. Plus I fear I will make some stupid mistake and screw that up too or be a burden to him.

    I feel like a baby saying all this but every time I stumble at life I try to learn something to help me get through the next time so have posted in the hopes of getting advice.

    Like I said I am not suicidal and will make to tomorrow but always worry that I will spiral down into a dark hole of depression that I won't come out for months or that I will commit (there won't be an attempt I made sure of that)
    I just wish I had a few friends to lean on during my sad times but I am shy, awkward and rather boring truth be told so I just I have to accept that I endure these times alone...well there is my cat and my horse but think they are tired of my tears by now.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's not sad. You are better off than people that have dozens of friends. You have one true friend. Someone that you know is in your corner. So many other people have tons of friends but not one that will be there when the going gets tough. Now you have 2 (lol). You seem like a very strong person. But even the strong need a place to rest and feel wanted and needed hun. It's not pathetic its human nature. We all need someone we can count on when we dont have the strength to push it one more day. And it hurts even more when friends that are supposed to understand dont or dont know us well enough to know we need their support. I'm a pm away when you need that place to rest hun.
  5. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Hey Bambi.

    Don't worry about leading a normal life, just lead your life, the way you want to. I know that is easier said than done, but in the end, it is your life to live, and i believe in you, that you can overcome whatever challenges are being put in your path.

    I understand how it can feel to spiral down like that, but i'm gonna say something, which i'm certain you probably know that i would say anyway, but i still will :p . Fight. Make the choice that these things wont bring you down, and don't give up on anything that you want to make happen. And know that you are fighting along side all of us here. Each of our goals may be different, but we are all fighting the same battle in the end. And know that if you ever falter, if you are ever struggling, that there are people here who will fight for you, to be your strength when you need it.
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Menchi you said the words I really needed to hear so thank you.

    I guess I had the idea that I was nearing the finishing line and victory insight but I guess not ....it is hard because I just don't know what to do.

    I can honestly state that I say from the heart and give it my all when doing something so when it goes to hell and unexpectedly blows up in my face I get terribly disheartened. I mean if my best didn't work what do I have inside that will? I am not sure what I have left but do know I am willing to try and will fight...I just fear I do not not have what it takes.

    Thanks so much everyone for your input ..I feel really foolish and like yet again I didn't "get it right" just don't know what to do when it appears your best is just not good enough or is something that anyone wants.

    Love you all and thank you for reaching out to me.