wow, im going to try and tell my thoughts and worries. im always wondering if im too hard on the people around me, if i should be more forgiving, sometimes i feel like i hold grudges for too long, but i have been hurt so bad, i dont want to be hurt again. my father disowned me 13 years ago because i had a mixed race child. actually he wasnt much of a dad before i had my son. i called him 3 years ago thinking we could patch things up. there is a family reunion tommorow and he has my grandmother, his mother, call me and invite me and he will be mad if i dont go. he doesnt call me for anything, he always has his mother call me. he will talk to his other daughters by his wife but he will never call me, why would i want to go if he treats me so different from his daughters by his wife? its been like this since i first met him when i was ten. he doesnt call me on my birthday, christmas, nothing. and im supposed to go and act like ev erything is all right?? like its okay for him to take his other grandsons fishing and boating and my son doesnt know him at all, has never been invited to do anything with them. there is also years of hurt, having to take care of myself and my son, having noone to help. i dont know of im just being pigheaded, my grandmother seems to think so, i dont know.