It's been a while since I last felt suicidal. The last time it got so bad that I even had letters written and was ready to go and just couldn't do it for some reason. Maybe I'm scared of it hurting or being found and taken to the hospital, I'm not really sure. But I haven't been the same since then. I feel detached from everything. Like my body is still here and alive, but my brain went through with it, if that makes sense. My mom left me to move 1,000 miles away with her now husband when I was 13. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a kid but never told anyone and he committed suicide last year so I'll never be able to get closure. I lost the man that promised to love me forever and he no longer cares about me whatsoever. My dad doesn't understand depression and never listens to me when I try to talk about what's going on with me so I've stopped talking all together; About anything. My house is filled with people and I feel completely alone. I feel like the past few months has just been loss after loss and I don't even want anything good to come into my life because it gets ripped away from me shortly after. My ex was unfortunately the only friend that I had and usually the one that I would go to for this kind of thing but now that we aren't together anymore and aren't speaking, I don't have anyone, so I'm here. I'm just at the point where I want to give up so badly because I feel like I've been crying for help for months now and no one bothers with me. I can't afford health insurance at the moment so I can't go to a professional but even just to have someone in my life that checked on me to see how I'm doing would be better than what I have now. Which is nothing. I'm tired of opening my heart to people who continue to abandon me when something better comes along. I have given all I have left to give to the world and it still isn't enough and I don't understand why.