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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gwalchmei, Aug 15, 2006.

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  1. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    This is my first time on this forum. My wife has decided, after 10 years, a kid, and the most unimaginable struggles together, that she no longer wants me. She left for Kuwait in January, and while there she decided that it was "over" between us. Now she wants to breeze back in, divorce me, and take off with our kid. I know that I need to live for my son, but I don't know how much longer I can take this emotional strain. For the past month (and this has occured in previous months, as well) I have been existing on about 1 - 4 hours a night of sleep. I guess I am still running on adrenaline. I don't know how long that will last. She has been saying the most horrible things to me. When she calls and tells me how it's over and berates me on the phone, I start crying. Then she tells me how I "sound like a woman" and that I should "check myself into a mental hospital". She constantly tells me that the sex was bad. She tells me how she "hates and resents me" for "keeping her in the marriage". She has said more, but often I'm so traumatized by what she says that it's all one big terrible mush in my memory. I don't get this. I have been through far worse in my life (I saw more by the age of 12 than most people will see in a lifetime). I do suffer from mental illness (depression and PTSD) and the fact that she keeps telling me to "check myself in" doesn't help. I wish God would take me Home.
  2. One who listens..

    One who listens.. Well-Known Member

    Wow, that is harsh. But all the stuff she is saying now, shes saying it to get you in exactly the state you are in, so you won't seem eligible for child custody. you should buy a recorder, and attach it to your phone, and record those messages that she says to you, they should definitely help you keep your kid.

    She really probably did you love during the course of your marriage, but now, shes saying all those thngs, not only to hurt you, but to make her actually feel like she didn't love you, to stop her own guilt at divorcing you.

    I hope you make it through, I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

    One who listens..
  3. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I know she's doing it to screw with my head. I'm trying to be strong. But I found myself yesterday staring at a bottle of Tylenol. Why can't this end? I have begged and begged and begged God to take me home, but he won't. WHY???????
  4. tre_tas

    tre_tas Member

    Hi gwalchmei.
    It's my first time ever on this forum.
    Suicide has never been a topic that interested me much because I've always been a very positive person and never had suicidal tendencies before.
    But something happend to me recently that is really making me feel traped. Traped in this world, in this life...
    Before I posted my situation on this forum I decided to take a look at the other posts, and when I read yours, I confess that it was almost like looking in the mirror. (almost)
    I have been with my wife for 10 years now, and we have also 1 child. We've loved each other almost without restrictions, to the point of doing crazy stuff just to make each other happy.
    About 3 months ago she said that she no longer loved me and that she wanted a divorce. Later she even said that she had never loved me, which really hurt because I'm 100% sure it's not true! Nobody could fake that! Not the way we were together.
    I am sure now she is the right person for me, as I have been sure for the past 10 years.
    A few weeks ago I asked directly if she had another person in her life, and she gave me her word that she didn't and that she never betrayed me. I was very relieved but also confused by this, because she could not give me a reasonable answer. Only that she wasn't made to be a wife and that she needed to be "free" (whatever that means!?!)
    We are now seperated and trying to sell our house, and I'm living at my parents' house (alone, because they're on holidays).
    This morning I went to our house to leave some stuff of mine there, and I couldn't help snooping around in her papers. This is something that I have never done before, because i feel very stringly about respecting other peoples privacy, but i just HAD to find out something. To understand...
    There I found several love letters that she wrote to a friend of hers, saying how much she loved him, how she liked to smell his scent on the pillow on her bed where he had been, etc.
    Now I know that she lied! And I instead of just hating her, and using this hate to help me break free from her, I just feel sorry for myself, and I still love her.
    Isn't this stupid?!?
    I'm so stupid! Worthless!
    Why do I love this woman so?!?

    You know what i did after reading those letters?
    I went and called her to tell her that I loved her! To say that I missed her, and practically begged her to have dinner with me tonight!
    I don't know what I'm doing! and i don't know what i will do tonight!
    I feel lke hasking to give her word again about if she love some one else, just to see if she'll lie to me again! Lose her word of honer! Lose all respect for me and herself!
    And after dinner I'm thinking of going home and swallowing a big dose antidepressive pills.
    I've been planning this today. I don't know if these pills can kill me, but I have about some 100 of them. (I guess this should be enough)

    You know what's funny? These are my wife's pills, that her shrink gave specifically to me because she was afraid of my wife's suicidal tendencies! (and according to the shrink, an overdose of these pills is fatal)
  5. tre_tas

    tre_tas Member

    I'm sorry Gwalchmei for writting about my problems on your thread, I'll just make a new topic for myself...
    I hope things turn around for you!
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