Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacob1973, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I am so tired of living! I really am! I have few friends, and the thoughts of living the rest of my life alone is unbearable! I so much want to find love, but after so many years of trying, I have given up on it.

    I am ugly! I am not that perfect 10 that every woman seems to be looking for!

    I have never even had a woman ask me for a date in ages. The few I have been on were more or less blind dates that pretty much ended within 30seconds of the initial meeting. The famous "oh your jacob..." is basically what happens (with the tone of disappointment). I try to be upbeat, energetic and fun but at the end, it doesnt matter as there is never a second date. :sigh:

    I have pretty much resigned myself to this being my last few months alive, as I dont have any reason to live on. I just dont care anymore! I am simply waiting till after the holidays, and then will take care of it. :rip:
  2. helium

    helium Member

    hi jacob

    i'm tired and lonely too. i know how you feel about not feeling like the perfect 10 every woman is looking for. i'm not the perfect 10 i feel like every man is looking for. i don't get asked out often either but i think its because i never put myself out there anymore. maybe you have the same problem? i close myself off because i think i'm not good enough for anyone to want to be with, therefore no one wants to approach me. then i beat myself up about it. i think we both need to open ourselves up more and realize that not everyone is into looks and that we both have things to offer. i'm sure you have so much to offer the world, i would be interested in getting to know what you're like. there are good people out there and i'm sure there are people for both of us to love and to love us back. we just can't give up.
  3. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Anyone that knows me (the few friends I have, including their wives and girlfriends), know that I am a great guy. They even tell me so. But it just seems that I am stuck in the rut of not finding anyone to date. And ya, I am a bit overweight (im not obese, just not "toned"). I personally find myself revolting, and have no good self image anymore. I have never had a good 2nd date, so I dont even have a clue about that aspect of dating. I watch my friends with their girlfriends holding hands, kissing, etc, and I almost start crying, and have to choke back the tears because I so much wish I was in their shoes. :cry:

    The only people I am really close to anymore is my parents, and for the most part, they are in poor health and I know that they wont be around much longer in life. They treat me like a kid anymore and keep hard things away from me, as I am sure that they think I am suicidal. I think that they dont want to add more stuff to my life. :sad:

    I simply want the pain to end, and I am always thinking about how my life turned to crap in the past few years. I have already tried 3 times in past 15 years, and somehow survived. I learned from those mistakes, and if or when I try again, I now know how to do it right. :depressed:
  4. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    hey, i am in a similar situation so i can't offer any good advice. All i know is that you have to keep trying, whoever want something so much and trying hard to achieve it will be rewarded for that at some point, i am sure.

    I am not ugly, actually many girls find me cute, and i had many girls interested in me and most of them were really beautiful, yet i never had a gf in my life. You know why? Because i don't have self confidence at all, and not that i just think that i am a loser, i really am. Despite the fact i have never done anything bad in my life and have graduated at college i still don't have a job, friends, gf, car, home, nothing. Thats the reason why i don't want relationship, because i am a loser.

    I am sure you are in a better situation than me. So what if there were some girls that turned you down, just keep going. I wouldn't even like to have a gf who will love me just for the way i look.
  5. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    The trouble is with people these days is its always looks, ego.

    Nobody ever looks inside, beneth the appearance to find the real person.

    People would rather be treated badly then take the time to find somebody who they could be happy with. Its a shame.
  6. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    to have friends we all have to risk rejection. go out meet people. it hurts, but thats the price and in any way you only need one friend so its worth it.
  7. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Where I live, its very rural, and there is very little chance of meeting anyone. I live in a culture that is not my own, and I dont want to associate myself with them, at least on a romantic level.
  8. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I just dont think that it really matters anymore.. I am not expecting anything more from my life!
  9. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    Jacob, I see many ugly guys with women!

    I'm attractive, yet single and alone. The love of my life left me 7 years ago, and I will never feel the same about anyone. She still haunts me in my dreams. So yeah, even attractive people can be single and alone.

    I suggest you move out of a rural community. Move somewhere bigger. Go somewhere you can meet people with the same interests as you, such as a coffee house or something.

    I have serious depression and horrible social anxiety that I deal with. I know how bad it can hurt. I've been crying all day today.

    You might not be a 10, but maybe a 5, 6, or 7, perhaps?

    Maybe you need a haircut! DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR YOURSELF! =)
    Get some new clothes, start working out, eating better, etc.

    (and yeah, I know how that is to see couples together and start crying)

    Happy couples make me angry! >_<
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Friend I have good news! Being a ten isn't only about looks. I am far from a ten, but to my husband I am one. Being a number on a scale is depressing! No wonder you are upset. All you have to do is take some ME time discover who YOU are, and what YOU are going to offer a woman. Discovering who you are, and why you are here are some tough questions, but there are answers. I found them by asking and seeking. I know you can do the same. Do some soul searching and see where it leads you. People often neglect their souls and they become spiritually dead. They know what they want,(love,) but have no idea where to find it. It starts within you.How can you offer love when you have yet to love yourself? I have been there and done that. I made it through alive and so can you. Hang in there! You are not ugly and the people you think are perfect are far from it lemme tell you. :hug: I am here if you wanna talk. :D
  11. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Its tough, and the self-image problem is after 24+ years of not getting any dates. How can I have any good self-image of myself when I have had no love life, no girlfriends EVER in my life. I havnt kissed a girl since I was maybe 12. First and only time in my life.

    I dont feel like a human being anymore, rather just an employee number at work. Even my "friends" are more like rare "associates" that I rarely talk to. I have no reason, whatsoever, to keep living, and I am quite frankly tired of trying to live, or to find someone who might love me.

    I am planning on leaving this world in short order, and I have no tears left in me to even consider any other options. In short, I have lost all hope!

    Maybe my family might forgive me in time, but I just can not handle this pain anymore!

  12. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    So, you're only 24 years old? How long have you been thinking about suicide?

    First and foremost, you have to live your life for yourself and not anyone else. Don't rely on a relationship to make you happy, because it is MUCH MUCH worse to get your heart broken. My heart has been shattered into so many tiny fragments and there isn't enough glue in the world. But I used to feel exactly like you do. I can't hold a stable relationship. One worldwide long distance relationship (6 months in person, other via email and phone) and the other one for 8 months living together.

    I can't offer any advice on finding women. You'll find much better luck in big city than rural community though. Find friends, go out do things, go to college if you can or haven't already.

    I dunno man, to me girls aren't worth it to me anymore. They'll rip your heart to shreds, and it sounds like you haven't experienced that yet. It hurts more than I want to remember.

    Hope things go better for you.
  13. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    I think he's 37, but it doesn't matter. I know how bad it is when you come home and there is no one waiting for you, when you eat alone, walk alone...I am 29, I was tired of being alone a years ago so i can imagine how you feel but you know, once you find a true love it all will not be matter any more.
    Do you ever talk to your friends about it, maybe they can connect you with some of their single friends? Beside that, there are many single people waiting around. I am sure you are not looking for a perfect woman (physically) so i can't see why it would be that hard for you to find women who will love you. Ok, you are not Brad Pitt or something, so what?, jesus, nowdays, most of the mature men are fat, bald and many of them are complete jerks yet they have wifes,kids...
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2010
  14. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Whats bad about it all is that my company is about to cut jobs where I am now, and I am going to have to move across almost 2 states to a new position, most like by the end of the year. So I am going to have to move away from friends and family that have kept me grounded, and quite frankly not as depressed. I am scared, and not sure what I am going to do, but I cant pay my bills if I dont chase my job to another state. The only good thing is that it will be to a major city, so maybe I might have more fun, and maybe get more active in dating... at least I am praying.
  15. ariel2013

    ariel2013 Member

    I actually watched this documentary about looks and beauty. Basically what researchers in this documentary found is that there is specific equations with proportionality and things like that which make your face and body beautiful and if you have the right proportions you will be considered beautiful and vice verse to nearly everyone. It said that what it all boils down to is finding a good mate which will offer the best possibility of healthy offspring. Like survival of the fittest sort of thing. And that we are subconsciously attracted to people that our brain perceives are a good catch based on these equations. Also it said that for men, being powerful and having high status , such as a good job ect. will make up for not being the perfect 10 in looks and they even tested this. I am not really explaining this right I feel like but it all made sence in the movie. But basically what I am saying is that we shouldn't blame people for trying to find the best person that they can and that they feel like would give them as well as their children a good life. We can blame them though if looks are the only thing people look at but you have to let them know what else you have to offer and show them that you are a confident and strong person. But clearly you do not feel that way so you cant show them right now. Try to work on yourself and to love your self before you even begin to worry about dating. Trust me, you can do it. I have seen the worst guys in relationships and it kills me to see that a nice guy like you is going through this. !!
  16. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    I am tired too :(

    And, according to my experience, girls don't cure tiredness. They just exhaust you even more.
  17. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I'd at least like to have an opportunity for it in life. Right now, I feel that finding love will never happen, and I dont want to spend the next 25+ years alone without ever having even experience life.
  18. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I started writing my final letters. I might even record a video. I just get home from work and play games till I get tired, go to bed and try to sleep. As usual, I wake up crying or if I dont, I dream of dying all night long! I just dont care anymore! I have a plan to do it as peacefully and quietly as I can.
  19. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Trying to decide on when to go....:grr:
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