title something dunno

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by skrewster, Sep 24, 2011.

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  1. skrewster

    skrewster New Member

    I just registered on this forum, and my general problem is, probably, loneliness. I'm 22 years old, have never had a girlfriend, nor sex for that matter.

    I've read some of the posts and topics on here, and on other forums, before making this post because I've always deemed myself more fortunate than those making these depressing topics. I got a good family that supports me and an okay upbringing, but I've always felt nervous about, well, everything that is new, especially social situations. I got one real friend as it is now, but I don't really visit him much and we have sort of grown apart.

    One thing that struck me reading these forums was the amount of females being depressed while having children and a husband that loves them. For me, that has never even been close to having a relationship, this is just odd. I do not mean to be insensitive, I just have trouble understanding it. Cuz if I were to have all that, I would most likely be more than at peace with myself. I'm quite positive that it comes down to loving yourself that's keeping me at bay, which i cannot do.

    There is nothing about me that I can possibly like. Whenever there is a female close by, of any fitting age, I just think to myself "Nah, I'm out of her league, there is no point in trying since I will only fail". I try every day to be friendly to people and smile but in the end, it just feel fake. I do not have problems having conversations with people once we've gotten slightly into it. But meeting new people.. brr!

    yeah, thanks for the rant :snake:
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome, welcome. I feel nervous in social situations in much the same way, especially deeper or further into conversations. Don't worry about the threads or posts you make here; many of us are going through tough times, like you, and that doesn't mean any of us don't deserve to be able to seek support or let what we're thinking out (as long as it's within the guidelines).
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey mate.

    22 is young - but you got social pressure and peer group pressure to get laid for the sake of it.

    Well - sex is THE closest two people can get - so you really want to be picky about who you choose. Also - sex is part of the reproductive cycle - nature wants us produce kids - but humanity sometimes tries to push sex as a kind of religion - something that can save us in and of itself. Well - if it could - I'd live in a brothel.

    As for loneliness - well I'm single - but I know people in relationships more lonely than me.

    Sure - you might think you'd be happy if you had a wife and kids - but only if its the right one. And - even with the right one - that does not mean it will last. Its hard work - and sometimes its better to be single - I mean - you can get a lot done without having to always be there for someone. Fall for the wrong women - you might find yourself booked up just seeing to her demands. You might not get a 50/50 deal - you might end up putting 99% in to get 1% out - the danger with love is that it can be blind - I mean - so much so you need others to keep an eye on things.

    But lets not be cynical mate. Love is a beautiful thing - I hope everybody here finds it and love is a bit like finding money in the street. Look too hard - you don't find it - and it comes when you least expect it.

    You might be a man who is best getting married young - marrying young and having kids young is best - but find a woman who shares that - AND make sure you tell her about yourself BEFORE you let passion push the boat out.

    Its rare today for people to marry the first person the they have a relationship with - years ago it was common - well - people dated for while - and if you got a lady pregnant you married her. Funnily enough - many of these marriages worked out - maybe love is not as exclusive as we think. I mean - to imagine there is only one person out there for you - in a world of 7 billion?

    Odds are - even sitting on the tube train - you could get a date with someone - but sure- I'm not walking up and down a tube train to see if anyone is going to be doing anything later on.

    But I reserve the right!

    What you need mate is some confidence. Don't put women on a pedestal - they are no Goddesses - they are beautiful - well - some are - but some are not. I mean inside - because if you choose a women based on how she looks - like a trophy wife - you will actually find that passion alone is not enough. You will look for emotional attachment - ALL men will do this eventually - and you really want to take 2 years getting to know a woman - although every man has his own process there - and every women also!

    For example - if you met some stunningly good looking woman - some cover girl - sexy - well - by social conventions we are TOLD women who are a certain shape - size - figure - are sexy. Reality is not like that. If a woman is all looks and mean as hell inside - if she is sexy - but volatile enough to demean you every available opportunity - you might end up a broken man.

    Main thing is to become a man who can provide for a women - have a good education and job - and always keep clean - plus if your educated you will have something to say more than 'hows the weather?' and "did you see the match last night" or the classic "what do you want to talk about?" - (shows a weakness that one!)

    Its no use having a relationship if your not going to confess your blues - and tell her (or him) about how you feel.

    Don't be tempted to lie to woman - you know - telling them you love them - when you don't. Sure you will get laid more - but casual sex is not good with depression - I mean bad sex is good - but you got risks - physical and emotional.

    You just seem like an old fashioned guy. You don't want to jump into bed with every passing maiden - just one who actually love. Sure - some will laugh at this - but - you are not those guys - and to be frank - most men I know who do get a LOT of action (every weekend a different women - maybe two) are not happy!

    One man I worked with - would be hit on by lots of women - anywhere he went - in the street he got phone numbers!

    He was almost suicidal over the fact he lost the only women he loved.

    He told me he was basically sleeping with all these women because he was a musician - he felt obliged - not for the women - for the lads! So that we had hope!

    Daft bas**** he was!

    Never gave me hope - just made me sad he got all the women! But - it was good also - I mean - if a woman chose me next to him - she was never right for me!

    Guy kind of lost the plot aged late 30s.

    MANY men here would see him out and envy him.

    But - you would not envy him IF you knew him.

    Final words to my 17 yr old mate in Brazil - he tells me "Better to sleep with one right women than to sleep with 1000 wrong ones."

    I'm 47 - he makes sense to me - wish he would have told me that years ago.

    But no way have I have even got lucky with 100 women.

    Don't even know if I have kissed 100.

    I hope so!

    Still got time also.

    I mean you might have to kiss a few to find the right one.

    Going all the way - you get diverted - lose sight of any flaws.

    So try and work out the flaws first!

    And confess my man - but like - be careful - make sure its not someone who will laugh and tell all her mates!

    I know your not that stupid.

    We will get there bro.

    You got to believe that!!!!

    Regards and salutations.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome Skrewster, That is part of life. Yoiu have to put yourself out there to find a woman who is interested... A peice of ad vice get a haircut and shve, Wear some nice clothes and it;s almost for sure yoiu will meet someone..I akways went tye other route and had lkong hair a beard, and wore blue jeans and t=shirts..Need less to say I always ended up with the barflies..
     
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum, Skrewster. :hug:

    Oh, gee, I'm another quiet one in a group, myself. Meeting new people - oh, yes, I understand why you said, Brr.

    But you know, being quiet, reserved, or downright shy doesn't mean we are unloveable or unworthy. Social skills are "skills" - things that can be learned and practiced and that get better the more often we try them. Sure, we'll make lots of funnies at first, have some rejections. Eventually, it picks up and gets better. As Stranger1 said, we do have to put ourselves out there.

    You're saying there's nothing you could love about yourself. I can already see things about you that I like. You're intelligent. You write well. You have a sense of what would make you happier. (That's a huge thing to know, really!) You seem sensible and sensitive to others. You might not see these qualities in yourself as we tend to be our own harshest critics. But I do see them. Give yourself some time to practice. And practice talking to everyone. Big smile, "How are you today?" "Did you watch that comedy last night?" "What's your book about?" "Did you see the football match?" "What did you do over the weekend?" Just "practice" and don't worry about "succeeding" when you practice. Eventually it stops feeling "fake" and starts feeling easy and real. And that's when it actually starts to work.

    At 22 you're not over the hill. You've hardly started up the lower slopes. Go get 'em, tiger. You can and will find your footing in this. :hug:
     
  6. skrewster

    skrewster New Member

    Thanks for the quick reply!

    The problem is that I would be happy if I even felt that someone was attracted to me once, a comment, even just a look, would boost me enormously. So far, I've never really had that from 13~ something and upwards.


    I wish. Where I live, Sweden, the modern day relationships never lasts and always seem to be based on first impressions and shallow features. No wonder it is one of the highest represented on the list of divorces. I just think believe that the grass is greener on the other side, i.e. other side of the world in this sense. But I'm probably just naive.



    Here, you are very right. I do put women on pedestals, this I know. And this is not at all entirely based on looks. I just have it in my head all the time that every female I meet, I might have a chance on. This seems desperate indeed, I do not show it, but thats how it is.

    Yes, this is correct. But as I said in my first post, my problems were did not entirely have to do with female companionship. I find it difficult to relate to the average males in my age, socially, alot because the fact that I've never have had a girl. So whenever sex/relationships is the subject I just feel uncomfortable and want to walk away, because I got nothing to add and guys understand this, making me stand out as "that odd guy that never goes out".

    Hehe.. You won't easily convince many men in my position that they wouldn't jump into bed with every passing girl. I agree, I would pass on every woman passing by if there was a chance that "the one". or whatever, were sure to come later on. But not knowing this, it all just feels pointless.


    Hehe, not so sure about that, but you might be right. I do not know such a person so I do not have any insight in the matter.

    You hit the nail on the head with the last words, finding such a person seems extremely hard. :)

    Thanks alot mate. Means alot. :smile:
     
  7. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Hey buddy im right there with you im 22 years old never had a single date or kiss from a girl. Ive now become a drug addict and cant even show myself in public im so depressed. I have a close cousin to me that id say in a non wierd way is very good looking shes had around 6-8 boyfriends and tells me how it never works out and guys are jerks, yet im like every single one looks like some kinda 6 pack model, and do you know how lucky you are to have a person intrested in you, im like dont worry youll be fine somone will always be by your side..never for me :(... i wish you the best, /hugs to you.
     
  8. dusk

    dusk Active Member

    Hi. I'm sorry you're so lonely.

    I also have trouble with new situations. I only have 1 friend, from middle school, and I talk to her online. She keeps trying to get me to meet up with her somewhere, but I just can't for some reason. It's hard and I'm sorry you have to deal with it too.

    I'm married to a wonderful man and I have 2 wonderful children. I don't want to say everything is "perfect", but it's pretty friggin' close. I'm depressed. I don't know why... I don't have anything to be depressed about. Sometimes it's just a chemical problem. You WILL find someone. You're young. Have you ever tried an online dating thing? That's how I met my husband.

    Something I like about you, is you seem kind. You seem smart. Some girl will recognize that one day. Please don't give up.
     
  9. skrewster

    skrewster New Member

    Nah, I sort of have a thing for exposing myself and showing my face, not because I look that bad but I have some people in my home town that I'm still terrified of walking into let alone them having any insight in my life. Also, I don't have much to show for myself and let me tell you, I have looked into the online dating sites here and statistically it goes 10 men per 1 woman. Not to sound too negative, but those odds aren't the best. ^^
     
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