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am I alive

Well-Known Member
Well, I am back again. I've joined here like 5 years ago and since that nothing has changed in my life and when I feel really really bad I always end up here.

Last time I've been here was a few months ago, that was time when i felt extremely bad and definetely decided to end up my life.

I'm total fuck up, I am most miserable person in the whole world. Well, I am of good health and good looking guy and thats all. I know those are probably the good advantages to have quality life, but you know what i haven't yet experienced what life is about. I've spent most of my life alone in my room. I made very little friends and never had any person who loved me and cared about me beside my mother which is the only reason that I am alive.

I have a college degree and I am unable to find a job. I don't have social life and i lost contact to few friends i had. I live in family house 24/7 and I am 29 years old. Besides all of that I avoid people and world outside my room. I have no strength and desire to change anything. I only see selfish and evil people around me, ppl who only look after their own ass. I think i started to hate this world and everything about it. I want to be alone yet I hate it. The only hope in me was that I will find a one person who will be my true love but now I see it will never happen. First thing, I am a loser and I don't want to ruin anyone lives so I am not even trying to find it. I had many girls that I really like and that were interested in me but i always refused to get in the relationship. I just get used to live lonely life.

All in all I don't want to live anymore, I hate this place where I live (I wasn't born here), I've got no motivation to live anymore and I am already too old to change anything. They don't even invite me for job interview anymore, I am 29 and still have no relevant experience, almost no working experience at all. I've been trying to find a job with all my heart and to change things but it never worked out for me. I live in shitty country where economy sucks and a degree means nothing if you don't have connections with relevant people.

I've wasted the best years of my life in isolation. I am taking a few sleeping pills at ones just to oversleep the day, than I watch movies and listen to music during the nights. In a month or so when it gets wormer I will leave my country and travel for some time all over Europe. I want to see some places before I die. Since i don't have much money to pay for hotels and food I might die somewhere where no one will find me, which is not that bad. One thing is sure, I will die this year, I don't want to live, and I am not sad about it. Thanks for reading.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi you You are still young and i hope now you can reach out and get some help to change the way you see things. You are so sad inside and you need help to pull you out of this darkness okay. Get your medication looked at change it up and get some therapy okay it helps to talk to people especiallly someone who can help you change you into someone you do like.
Travel wow i wish i could travel see the world and meet new people I hope you can some therapy before hand so you can enjoy all you are going to do.
Nice to have you here nice to see you reaching out here for support
Keep reaching out okay because you are worth that fight hugs. :hugtackles:


Well-Known Member
You're young yet. My parents didn't meet until they were in their 30's. And now, they're completely happy together. Which is a lot, considering my dad used to have severe depression.

I know it's hard. I know things seem impossible, but just keep pushing through.. Make those connections. Meet people. Find something that you like to do. There are possibilities out there for you. Go live, and enjoy being alive.

am I alive

Well-Known Member
Thanks guys. I just don't really care anymore. It can't get any worse for me than it is now. I will try to enjoy whats left of my life for this short time and than I am ready to go.
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