Well, I am back again. I've joined here like 5 years ago and since that nothing has changed in my life and when I feel really really bad I always end up here. Last time I've been here was a few months ago, that was time when i felt extremely bad and definetely decided to end up my life. I'm total fuck up, I am most miserable person in the whole world. Well, I am of good health and good looking guy and thats all. I know those are probably the good advantages to have quality life, but you know what i haven't yet experienced what life is about. I've spent most of my life alone in my room. I made very little friends and never had any person who loved me and cared about me beside my mother which is the only reason that I am alive. I have a college degree and I am unable to find a job. I don't have social life and i lost contact to few friends i had. I live in family house 24/7 and I am 29 years old. Besides all of that I avoid people and world outside my room. I have no strength and desire to change anything. I only see selfish and evil people around me, ppl who only look after their own ass. I think i started to hate this world and everything about it. I want to be alone yet I hate it. The only hope in me was that I will find a one person who will be my true love but now I see it will never happen. First thing, I am a loser and I don't want to ruin anyone lives so I am not even trying to find it. I had many girls that I really like and that were interested in me but i always refused to get in the relationship. I just get used to live lonely life. All in all I don't want to live anymore, I hate this place where I live (I wasn't born here), I've got no motivation to live anymore and I am already too old to change anything. They don't even invite me for job interview anymore, I am 29 and still have no relevant experience, almost no working experience at all. I've been trying to find a job with all my heart and to change things but it never worked out for me. I live in shitty country where economy sucks and a degree means nothing if you don't have connections with relevant people. I've wasted the best years of my life in isolation. I am taking a few sleeping pills at ones just to oversleep the day, than I watch movies and listen to music during the nights. In a month or so when it gets wormer I will leave my country and travel for some time all over Europe. I want to see some places before I die. Since i don't have much money to pay for hotels and food I might die somewhere where no one will find me, which is not that bad. One thing is sure, I will die this year, I don't want to live, and I am not sad about it. Thanks for reading.