Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Oct 22, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I'm going to see my doctor in less than 9 hours, and I know that I won't be able to tell her anything. This was my last chance to get better, I'll never be strong enough to get a new appointment. My plan was to write everything down, but my head is empty.

    I know that I'll end up dead if I don't get professional help. The voices are getting stronger every day. I don't remember much of how I used to feel, but I know I miss it. I miss being able to cry without being drunk.

    I want to die, but only because I want the voices to stop. Tonight could have been my last, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow. Give myself one last chance to make my life worse.
  2. Stephen

    Stephen New Member

    Hi Rukia,
    Im new to this site and I not sure im the best person to be giving you advice but I believe I know what your going through.

    To open yourself up to someone, to let down your guard, to trust a stranger with the problems that you have tried so hard to cope with...I know how overbearing it can feel. Its like being trapped...either you hold your troubles in and allow them to eat away at you till you cant stand it anymore or you risk exposing yourself and letting the world know that you feel broken. The fear of all your contained and surpressed emotions bursting out the second you let your guard down...for me that was terrifing.

    In the end what gave me the courage to open up and seek help from someone was the knowledge that if I didnt then nothing was going to change. I know its a difficult choice to make but our lives wont fix themselves. Sometimes we need to depend on others to help us. Please trust me when I tell you that I understand how difficult opening up can be and know that there are people out there who wont judge you and want to help you.
  3. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    you said you would write it if you could, well print that out and hand it to the dr as soon as you see them, before you even say hello, thats all you need and they will help you from there :hug: good luck with the appointment, i hope all goes well :smile:
  4. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I second what Bunny said^.

    Voices are truly horrible and debilitating.... I eventually got to my breaking point and told my brother what they were saying to me; the next morning, he told my mom, and soon I was in the ER. I was furious but I got help and I've improved so much.

    Please tell/ write to someone. I gave my psychiatrist two lengthy notes once, and she upped my medication and talked to me (I didn't say much, but getting it out on paper did help). Are you on any medications?

    I know it seems impossible and infinitely difficult to tell someone, but please do. It sounds much harder than it is. Once you begin, you should be all right. I'm totally a recluse and terrified to talk to anyone, or divulge anything, but it gets easier with practice. It's not healthy to keep everything inside, and when one does it just feels like there's this endless stream of poison that won't get out. Talking/ writing really does bring relief and healing.

    I hope you're feeling better soon. The right medication can do wonders to make the voices shut up.

    What do the voices say? You can write it down to us, and as Bunny already said, you can print out what you write here and give it to the doctor. Feel better. I'm sorry you're going through this. :hug: My PMs are always open if you need to talk.
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I printed out some of my posts and gave them to her. She called a psychiatrist and I'll probably get a new appointment sometime this week. :unsure: The voices are telling me to kill myself tonight, and I think they're right. I don't want to do this. :sad:
  6. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    rukia, you di the right thing by printing out some posts.
    at least you have the courage to do that.
    i don't, because they'll keep me. don't listen to the voices.
    if you ever want to talk, you can im or pm me
    take care
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Honey you have to keep fighting just try please I know it's hard but believe me you will come through this I promise you.
  8. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    My doctor said that I did the right thing too, but I don't know. If this is the right thing to do, why am I feeling worse than last night? :unsure: They're planning something, but I don't know what. :sad:
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