1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Title.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Casey., Sep 2, 2006.

  1. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    I haven't actually put this in writing for a long time, so this is considerably hard for me. I don't know why I feel like such crap. I have no good reason. Things that I thought I had bottled up have surfaced again, and they're destroying the little bit of me I have left. They happened years and years ago, this shouldn't be happening.
    As many of you know, I lost my girlfriend last year to suicide. Ever since then, things have been different. I don't have the words to explain it, but life has been so much different without her. Those "goodbye, this is the last time you will see me" posts do put a frown on my face, because the thought of losing someone ever again is scary. Which is why I havent been able to open up and love someone again since then. It's sad that this society has chosen to ignore things rather than get over them. I'm not complaining, I think I like it this way. I can't accept April's death, and I don't think I ever really will. I still love her.
    I've been dreaming about her. Everytime I close my eyes I see her. Everytime they're open I see her. I'm constantly walking with people I don't know whispering in my ears. The thing is, I see her. And I talk to her. I know she isn't real, but its still worth it. I told my therapist, and she put me on medication to make it stop. I understand her concern, because they were telling me to kill myself, but... I feel like she has been ripped away from me once again. It hurts less this time, it's easier, but it still hurts. I just don't know what to do. My therapist thought the voices might be medication related, so I was taken off of all of them, including my anti-depressants, so things have been a lot worse lately. Hopefully these voices will stop with the Geodon, and then I can get on my anti-depressants again.

    I'm just really confused right now.
     
  2. Cr8z_b4

    Cr8z_b4 Antiquitie's Friend

    i totally can relate to ya there about how soiciety deals with suicides. If its not involving one of their loved ones then they dont understand. People dont understand why i still greive over my ex-husband since we were divorced. but i still feel the guilt and the shame, and i dont konw when if ever it will go away.
     
  3. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    You say that you dont have a good reason but it sounds like you do. Bottling up anything isnt the same as dealing it, even if it feels that way at the time. I mean if something doesnt hurt ya anymore then it's easy to think that it's just done with, no?
    It's sounds to me as if you're going through a major transitional period in your life so it's no wonder you're confused right now. Without the withdrawl, voices and maybe on better meds, I`m sure things will look a fair bit clearer.
     
  4. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    i am very sorry for your loss, i can sense that you loved her a lot, and it is always hard to lose someone close to you. also people deal with grief in their own ways and i guess what is happening to you is your body's responce.

    i now know you a bit and seem to have been fairly open to me about things, which i appreciate alot. you are a lovely and beautiful girl with your whole life ahead of you, and although this is a terrible thing to have happened at such a young age, time will heal you, and you will find someone else to love and cherish again.

    i think you are great :hug::hug::hug: