Im sorry I lost my best friend Emily 5 years ago. She hung herself from a tree in her back garden. She did this because she got massive burns down her face from a car accident she was in. She was still the same beautiful girl to me she'd always been, but I never realised how much pain she was in. If I'd have been there for her she would be here today. I lost my Grandmother 4 days after Emily. She died in hospital a broken shell of a person. After my parents, she was the most important thing in the world to me. I should have dropped out of university to care for her like my friend suggested, thats what family is for. My good friend Tom died in a car crash last year. I wish it had been me instead of him. He was so full of life and fun, theres no justice him not being here in my place. My uncle Derek died a short while ago. I never got the chance to say what that week meant to me. I killed my best friend Mike 2 years ago. he cut his wrists and bled to death. I ran to his house, kicked my way in through a window and then ran an ambulance. If Id have rung it before running round, he could have made it. He died in my arms, me trying to hold his wrists shut. His mother blames me to this day, even to the point of having her husband and brother kick the shit out of me outside a nightclub. Im scared to get close to anyone. Everyone I care about ends up dead or turning away from me.