to all parents and wanna be parents on this forum.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisteredangry, Apr 30, 2008.

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  1. this is to all the people on here who are parents and are suicidal. Why oh why did you have children!! Seriously, you are putting them through hell with all your depression and helplessness. I'm saying this because I have a parent who is sick and has been sick since I can remember, mental health issues, physical issues you name it. The fact is, this parent has been more than a drain on my life. There is nothing i can do and I am forced to take care of them because i have no choice, they are my parents. it's like being forced to be a mother when you don't want to be. I hear people on here who are parents crying, depressed and dying and it just absolutely kills me. You are torturing your kids. they can't live a normal life because of you. you are putting them through a hell you can't even imagine. you have to suck it up and act like you are ok to them and seek help. Help yourselves for god's sake for your childrens sake. you put lives into this world, take responsibility to make sure those lives are happy ones. I am downtrodden by life because of my parent. they drain me inside out. i want to die because i am forced into a life of caring for a helpless person, something i didn't choose. please for god's sake, don't make your children bear the burden. because all i want right now is to kill myself because of this. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL. THE THOUGHTS WILL NEVER GO AWAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH THERAPY YOU HAVE. YOU WILL BURDEN YOUR FAMILY. YOU WILL PASS ON THE LEGACY. YOU WILL IN FACT PUT MORE SUICIDAL PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH. there is no need for any more suffering. wake up people. we have intelligence. use it to realize that there is a certain level of mental stability one needs to raise a happy healthy child and if you are affiliated with this forum you should've never had kids and should never want any. and if you are a child with an ill parent, sound out. life is hell.
     
  2. Ishy

    Ishy Guest

    I don't think it's fair of you to judge all parents and wanna-be parents on this forum. I understand that you go through a lot of pain, mainly due to your parent having mental health issues, and I truly am sorry that you have been put in the situation you are in :sad:
    But that doesn't give you the right to judge every parent on this forum.
    There are people who had children before they got ill and/or depressed/suicidal. There are depressed people who can still be fully functional parents, though that is not the most favorable position, as it's bad for their own health, me thinks, but that's besides the point.

    Your point is fair, PARTLY, I agree with you that if you are really suicidal, it's best to not have children, just yet. You need to get yourself together first, and then possibly you can think about having children. But it's not fair of you to say one should Never have children because the feelings will never go away, because that is a lie. The feelings can go away. People can get better. Nor is it fair of you to say nobody here would be a good parent. Because that's utter bullshit.
     
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Wow, I'm terribly sorry that your parents, who most likely supported you throughout your childhood are now a burden to you. How awful.
     
  4. man

    man Well-Known Member

    Well having lived in a broken home and having a family legacy in addiction and mental illness on all sides I will say it is he'll, however it has helped me become stronger, it has emotionaly and mentaly whacked me out but I am making steps to move foreward and am happy to ne alive. In fact I feel deeply sad for all my family members that have and are suffering but it doesn't control me. As for your mother you must truely lover her to take care of her, however you do have a choice, you can walk away from a lot of things, hell you don't even have to walk away just get less involved, we are not as helpless as we sometimes feel we are. Good luck to you and welcome if you decide to stay with us.
     
  5. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Well firstly i do hope you come back hear to read the responses.

    I am a mother of 6 and i work in the health profession and i suffer from depression so perhaps i can share a different viewpoint on this.

    Firstly it must be very difficult to be raised by a parent with a mentsal health problem, but i also think that it is somewhat dependant on the severity of the diagnosis, depression cant be lumped into just one group there are as im sure you are aware many different causes of mental illness and many are treatable, if not certainly manageable for the most part.
    Regarding having children when suffering from depression, i would like to point out that many here may have had their family before suffering from this condition, and have therefore managed to raise their children and manage their symptoms, its not realistic again to clump all parents into one group (bad). Mental health issues are also not chosen, anyone with any choice in the matter would far rather be living life free from depression, try to imagine how difficult it is when thoughts of suicide become overwhelming and you then enter battle as your love for your children keeps you here.
    The 6 children i have 3 are mine and the other 3 are my partners, my parners 3 lost their mum as she died 4 years ago, i think if you asked them is it better to live with a parent that is depressed but carries on as best they can or to live without a mum at all, they would im sure say the first.
    And children can grown and develop through this of the 6 one is in the insurance business, one a trained hairdresser, one is due to start university in September to be a teacher and one is in health care. The other 2 are at school age 14 one want to be a footballer (lol) and the another is taking psycology and wants to work in mental health. (perhaps experience has made him want to understand more?)
    So there definately is life beyond living with a depressed parent, i can speak not just for myself but for many on this forum my children have been, are, and always will be my most precious gift in this life and are loved very much . I do appreciate for you it mustbe terriblt difficult but i suggest you to look for support as there are many groups around that support people like yourself and yes step back a little if you can allow yourself some time to , it is not an easy place to be that i do appreciate please take care if you want to talk more please do pm ----- sorry such a long reply
     
  6. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Nobody should have children.
     
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Are you a VHEMT Volunteer? :smile:
     
  8. Cath

    Cath Staff Alumni

    And why is that? :unsure:
     
  9. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    People suck at raising children. It's ironic really, but not in a very funny way.
     
  10. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    not all us parents are making a mess of raising our kids some of us strive to create a loving home for them despite the fight against depression
     
  11. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    First off, I am sorry that you feel the way that you do. I will admit that mental illness gets in the way of parenting skills. My mom (who works in mental health) needs medication herself for mental problems. She was not the best parent but she tried. Now Im the mom to a lovely three year old boy. Raising him has been hell on me (because of whats going in our lives right now) but I love him and I wouldnt change the fact that hes in my life and I hope to keep him in my life for a very long time. Its wrong of you to judge all parents because of your parents..Theres a long line of mental illness in my family..We have turned out decent and none of us feel burdened.. Thats all I will say for now.
     
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm a single mom of 4 children. They are my life. And I struggle each and every day with the battle of whether I am actually doing them any good by being in their lives or if it would be better for them if I just died. Either way they suffer but one means I stop causing them the pain. I love them so much but hate myself even more for causing them to live with my pain each and everyday. I may of had them before my mental health issues became such a huge factor in my life, but they are my problems and not theirs. They dont deserve this crap. I did have them, they didnt ask to be put in my life. And I try everyday to make their lives better. But I cant change the fact that they are here and suffering because of me. I am a failure. I love them but that obviously isnt enough!! I'm not trying to turn this into a poor me post, but I just want to you see it from another point of view. I hate myself enough already for what I'm doing to my beautiful babies, I dont need to be reminded of how horrible and how terribly tragic I'm making it for them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2008
  13. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    I think this thread is absolutely unfair and way too generalizing. I am sorry u feel ur parents are a burden to you, but that doesnt mean that every other parent/child situation is the same. I dont think ur in any position to judge us parents/wannabe parents when you dont know us at all.

    I also agree with Built For Sin's post.


    And as for the nobody should have children coz everyone sucks at raising them comment. Total rubbish. Parents make mistakes coz we are only human, but I know lots of brilliant parents who raise their children with lots of love.
     
  14. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am a mother of four. I've been depressed most of my adult life and am dealing with it by meds and counseling. I'm doing the best I can and I think my kids realize this. I feel that I've not always been the best mother, but I have tried my best and am still striving to do what's best for my kids.

    I don't think this is fair to parents as it's so generalized and discouraging. I don't need to hear what a burden I'm putting on my kids. I already feel that way sometimes and don't need to hear it from someone who doesn't even know me.:sad:
     
  15. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    i for one will try not to have any kids to prevent the continuation on my defective genes. i know myself and will bring sorrow to my kids. no point for me really but i do not speak for anyone but myself.
     
  16. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member


    doin the best u can is what makes u a good mother, i can say that even though i dont know u. :hug:
     
  17. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member


    I spoke with my mom over the weekend (she takes medications every now and then herself) and shes a mental health worker so I knew she would understand.. I told her that I felt everyone would be better off without me.. She said to me "You think I would be better off without a daughter.. You think your Grandma would be better off without her granddaughter..You think your son would be better off without his mother..Your wrong." She continued to tell me how my family loves me more then anything in this world. Sure I caused them a lot of greif but it was not on my shoulders alone. They were also to blame in some of my antics. She talked about how my son needs me. She also said how she messed up a lot when I was growing up. "We are human and we make mistakes" she said. Maybe shes right.. Maybe my family (my son for the most part) would NOT be better off if I would just fall over dead.. They love me and in certain ways they need me..

    I hope that helps you some.
     
  18. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    i think this post has maged to make all us mothers feel pretty awful i know many that replied and know that they all do the best they can by their children as do i try to look at this through clear glasses we all in life have to adapt to the environment in which we live - depressed people are able to love--- and i dearly love my children they do know that though may always fully understand the effects of the condition :sad:
     
  19. kaboodles22

    kaboodles22 Member

    I can relate to the original post... my mom suffers from depression, suicidal thoughts at times and I believe bipolar. I went through hell growing up.. I was more of a mother to her than she was to me.. and I was the only one she ever took it out on... I wonder why she had kids sometimes, or why she didn't get help.

    I am her now though... I suffer from depressionand other mental illness.. and sometimes I hate her for it.. because of what I went through, I refuse to have children.. at least until I sort out everything and am NOT suicidal and I do NOT self harm anymore.
     
  20. Agrigor

    Agrigor Active Member

    Really, that is exactly why I have promised myself to never have any offspring. Not only are my mental health issues genetic and will pass down, I know I'd probably do something terrible to them because of my issues.
     
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