To all who Give a Sh*T

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by GS9, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    To everyone that remembers me

    Yes, Im still alive, and yes im amazed too
    I struggle just to want to live
    There is no reason why im on this earth
    I have no reason
    Maybe Its for that i deserve the things that happened

    Maybe I deserve the Child neglect, and child abuse that i grew up with
    Maybe I deserve having a quarter of what my sisters had
    Maybe I didnt deserve support from my family
    Maybe I wasnt good enough
    Maybe I will never be good enough
    Maybe I am a waste of sperm
    Maybe I would be better of in a ocean with a slug in my head

    Maybe no one will ever understand me
    Or the Understand the pain i feel

    Maybe no one will ever support me
    and how much it would mean if they did

    Maybe no one will miss me

    Just maybe I dont deserve to live...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2009
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    When someone is feeling as you currently do Chad, thngs become so skewed in our minds. Feelings are that we do not deserve anything good that may happen, yet we deserve anything that is negative in nature. It seems so rational at the time, but it really isn't. Not to those on the outside looking in. You are right thatIi cannot understand the pain you feel because I am not you. Just as you cannot understand the pain I feel. I can say that I understand you are hurting. I understand that it feels like the hurt will never go away. I understand the betrayal it can make someone feel. Yet I do not understand you. I can't be expected to. I can't understand me, and I live with me all the time. :dunno:
    I do wish better things for you. I wish I could make it happen, but I can't. The power lies within you and no one else. :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    God i understand this pain and you deserve compassion and understanding and support The pain is great the feeling of abandonment is great the loneliness the feeling like your a peice of nothing none is great but don't let them make you believe that. You are someone Youare special You don't deserve any of this god i know because i feel the sam way and want it to stop. I hope for you is that you do get the support you need with therapy where i am now i hope coming here you will see people care and can be trusted. I am glad you reached out because you deserve to be heard. Please stay with us here vent away get to know people who truly can relate to you.
    PM me anytime but please know you are not alone ok please keep trying for YOU because YOU are worth it.
  4. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I hate myself for even posting what i just posted
    And I do want help but Theres alot of reasons why i dont

    I dont truely want to die but at times its the only way i can see the end
    Everything has a beginning and a end
  5. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I cant begin to explain how i feel
    I know that In the end i will have to take my life inorder to live

    If the makes sense
  6. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Sorry for the spam

    And I have indeed opened up more people know the struggle im living with now then ever before

    My boss knows that 10-20 hours a week is not enough and with the economy i cant find a 2nd job
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun you dont deserve the the shit that others gave you. And now you have to fight each day because of the pain it has caused, the negative thoughts it has instilled. But you have people that care. We may not be there personally to hold you jup when it feels like the ground has opened and is trying to swallow you whole. But we are here, we care and we can undertand the hurt. Please let others help you the best we can with support and words and guenuine care. Glad to see you back where you can talk and get it out. Keep posting, dont try to fight it alone because you really dont have to!
  8. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I have a arrest warrent against me

    and im not sure why
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well the best thing you can do is find out why. Maybe unpaid parking fine or something that simple. Before it turns into a monster of its own, find out what it is hun.
  10. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I hate life

    Im a white male
    And the government wont help me cause im white
    And a full time job at a gas station hired only females

    im 500 in debt running outta funds less than a week every time im paid and cant pay for my car insurance

    I'm fucked, and I have a warrent because this cop (litterly) added Bullshit chargers and i didnt have the time to go to court

    Seems like the 2yr struggle will becoming a 3yr
    Unless i can put the stop to this train

    I am the last heir to my familys name,
    If i die my family's name will die with me
  11. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    My budget is so stretched that i couldnt buy a gun even if i wanted too
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted you to know that people do care. I know what it's like to be REALLY low on cash. It sucks. Here if you want to talk.