I don't know. why do I always do this to myself. why can't I just try and fit in??? It's not so hard, just put on a smile, laugh more, care more, act like all this bullshit means something to you. Fuck. I can't. i just can't. there's a huge part of me that needs depth. There's an even bigger part that wants love. I know I can find depth alone, but it's the love that I can't shake. How do i stop caring about wanting another person in my life? I've been a loner for so long, and I've come to realize that it's the only place I'm ever going to feel whole, but I just can't shake this desire for another human to share this life with. I don't like wanting such an ordinary thing, but I can't seem to help it. I know there can be a life alone, people have done it before, but can I do it? Is it worth it?? I'm so torn. I know in my heart it will always be impossible for me to connect with anyone, but I keep dreaming maybe there is someone out there. Should I put in the effort to find them, or should I just go the road alone??