to be alone or not to be?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisterrrred, Oct 1, 2007.

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  1. I don't know. why do I always do this to myself. why can't I just try and fit in??? It's not so hard, just put on a smile, laugh more, care more, act like all this bullshit means something to you. Fuck. I can't. i just can't. there's a huge part of me that needs depth. There's an even bigger part that wants love. I know I can find depth alone, but it's the love that I can't shake. How do i stop caring about wanting another person in my life? I've been a loner for so long, and I've come to realize that it's the only place I'm ever going to feel whole, but I just can't shake this desire for another human to share this life with. I don't like wanting such an ordinary thing, but I can't seem to help it. I know there can be a life alone, people have done it before, but can I do it? Is it worth it?? I'm so torn. I know in my heart it will always be impossible for me to connect with anyone, but I keep dreaming maybe there is someone out there. Should I put in the effort to find them, or should I just go the road alone??
     
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    This is not something you need to decide. It happens or it doesn't. Leave yourself open to the possiblities of life and relax. Don't force it, but don't shut it out. BTW, there is NOTHING ordinary about love :)
     
  3. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    yeah,i feel the same...and i am not trying to change anything...and time flying by...and i am always alone and have no one to share love with...jesus i hate my life.
     
  4. quote- am I alive>"...and i am always alone and have no one to share love with...jesus i hate my life."

    ^^ This is what gets me so angry about the whole thing, why do we have to hate ourselves just because we're alone? Why does love have to be so important?? I want to be someone who doesn't need anyone. I want to be complete alone. but your sentiments about it am I alive are exactly how I feel too...I hate myself for being this way, for wanting it, for not having it and for hoping I can find it. It's so primitive and superficial. There has to be so much more than this. Why do we feel like the big void can only be filled by someone else??? Why is there a big void??? everyday that goes by without that love I crave is like another day to wait for death. Every experience I have alone is another wasted experience. what the hell is wrong with me?? who put this in my head?? I don't even know what love is, i don't think I've ever even experienced it or can for that matter. I can't even begin to express the hatred I feel for myself for wanting these things. It's childish to me, yet I keep thinking I need it. My mind is doing circles. I don't need love, i need an exorcist.
    Anastasia, you must have love, cause you sound like someone who does...lucky you.
     
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