To be honest, I have been dealing with my suicidal ideations for almost 4 years now. What hinders from doing so, what if I survive an attempt? I'm afraid that people will look at me differently because nobody knows what I'm exactly going through. Not even the closest people in my life. So I resort to helplessly scarring my skin and OD-ing once in a while which all do me nothing. Temporary relief, perhaps. By feeling pain, I can tell myself that I'm still alive and I still do exist. But, really it's like I'm physically alive but I'm so dead inside. I don't know what to do. I want to end this life so badly but I'm just afraid to do it.