To Dad

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Feb 16, 2007.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Do you even realize what youre doing?
    Do you even care about what I'm feeling?
    Why do you only care for money?
    Mum would never have wanted us to be at this point, and you know it.
    I shouldnt buy you a present. I shouldnt.
    You don't give a flyin fuck about me, then why should I get you a present for your fucking birthday?

    yeh I know you'r disappointed in me, you have every right to be, i'm the daughter who's bi, depressed, fucked up Uni to the point where she had to drop out, never got good grades at highschool, skipped way too many classes, was a disaster as student to teachers and was a disaster at home.
    that's what YOU know, and it isnt even half of my story.

    You motherfucking asshole, you don't give a shit about me. All you care about is her and her things.

    What did I do wrong? where did I go wrong? why can't you just love me? or at least show me some affection? is it too fucking much to ask? can't a girl ask some love and affection from her own father!!???

    WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME, DADDY!!!!!!!??????
    :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

    I know I'm a failure in everything, I know I'm a worthless piece of shit, but isn't a father supposed to love his child unconditionally..??

    then WHY are you making me feel like I didn't just loose my mother but also my father??????!!!!!!! :cry: :cry: :cry:

    I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, for whatever I did wrong to you, for whatever I did to make you stop loving me (if you ever did love me). Please just tell me what I need to do to make you love me, to make you care for me... Please :cry:
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun you know what i think about this, listen to what im telling you :hug: You haven't done anything wrong, your not a failure, your not a worthless piece of shit, Your far from that. All this is HIS problem, HIS mistake and HIS own doing. You did nothing.

    You have nothing to be sorry for. Listen to what i've said and what im saying right now because is the truth.

    massive hugs xxx
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Even though your father seems very distant now Est, Im sure he still loves his daughter. Somewhere, in his heart, that love for you is still there.

    While i cant understand his lack of understanding, his recent behaviour towards you, and his willingness to see his relationship with his daughter fade away, Im sure there is still hope.

    Sometimes events happen, and so much water flows under the bridge, that relationships between parents and children are not what they should be.

    I pray that he comes around, and you can repair your relationship with him, I know it would mean a great deal to you.

    Whatever happens, we will be here for you :hug:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Est my dad brought me up for most of my life. He was always my hero and then he said something that I thought I could never forgive.

    You know what happened with my hubby and my dad became my hero again.
    Maybe if you let your dad see you need him he can come good for you.

    Keeping fingers crossed here.
  5. LeaveMeAlone

    LeaveMeAlone Well-Known Member

    Blood means nothing!

    Be with the people who love you, ignore the people who don't.

    I know it sucks cos he's your dad, but at the end of the day, without the love what does that even mean? you might as well not know him at all.

    sorry hun

    love ya :hug:
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    yeh guess what. Stepmonster is bitch. Guess what.

    They've only contacted me saying that they needed some money which I still owe them. fine, I transferred all that. Now guess what. I arrived at their place today to celebrate carnival and they're off for holidays. NOW GUESS WHAT. There's still some mail from my bank that arrives at their place. THey've opened it. they fucking KNEW I was facing red numbers, yet they kept asking me for money. And guess what they did with the money.. I come home and I see a HUGE Plasma tv!

    so they KNOW I'm facing red numbers and ain't doing too good with money (cos they fucking opened my bank mail), yet they demand that I pay them money which they payed for University and insurance, and then they go buying a fucking plasma tv!!!!!!!!!


    and then I have to hear via my sister that they're mad at me and that they want me to come home and talk with them. WHY USE MY FUCKING SISTER TO TELL ME THAT!!!??? They got my fucking email address, they got a fucking phonenumber they can call, they got my address. HECK, why do I Need to visit THEM?? FUCKERS..

    I do not trust myself at all right now. I am SOO GONNA GET DRUNK OFF MY FACE tonight. and tomorrow and the day after... I'm sick of them.
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    I can't imagine how it must of felt to walk in to the house and saw the plasma TV and your bank letters open. But i could hear how upset you was when you called me afterwards. Your parents were very wrong for opening your mail, in fact what they did was illegal. It must hurt to know they've read your mail and then asked you for the money back. Like i said today the only reason i can think of as to why they would do that is to try make you talk to them. To make you explain to them that you haven't got the money. By the sound of it they do really want you to talk to them, like telling your sister that they want you to talk to them. But i don't know whats going on in their heads.

    I know your pretty pissed at them right now and i can tell by the things you've said. But please remember that this can all be fixed. You said before that if they cared they would have you looked in a ward some where but how can they do that if they don't know everything? I'm pretty sure if they did know then they would help you. Remember when you wrote that letter? and they didn't read it and wanted you to talk to them. Remember you said that your dad wanted you to see that psychologist? i still have the email you sent me about it. In the email you say that he said he was hurt the decisions without informing him and is wife. There must be love and care there for him to get hurt. Hurt doesn't occur without care, please remember that. He wanted you to see the psychologist because he was most probably scared of losing you. Some parents like to play tough.

    Thats what you said in part of that email, their most probably hurt that you did agree to stay in touch more and you haven't. You have to admit that you've been pushing them away a lot. You need to sit down with them and have a talk with them like you did before. Be calm and explain how you feel and see what they say. But you NEED to be calm, having an argument with them will only make things worse.

    I know deep down you want them to SHOW that they love you no matter what you say. Deep down you and i both know thats what you want, i know because of the things you've said to me about how it. Please sit down with them and talk just like you did before that day. You said you felt so relieve after that talk.

    At the end of the email you say you might just got for the psych. I think that might be a good idea for you. You've already lost one parent, don't let yourself loose another when its preventable. Look at what Terry said, she thought she could never forgive her dad for what he said and now look at their relationship, thats an example of how things can change. I haven't seen my dad in about 16 years and as much as i HATE him for the way he treated me, my brother and my mum, deep down i would like to have that relationship with him.

    A lot of people would give ANYTHING, some even kill to be able to see and have a relationship with their dads. Your dad is here, don't give up on the chance of a relationship. You only have one father, that will never change. Don't let that chance slip away.

    Like i said earlier, I'm not gonna give up on you. You've never given up on me and i don't plan to give up on you. I'm not mad at you no matter what you think, i just don't want you to do anything that harms you. I do worry about you no matter if you tell me not to, especially after the phone call this afternoon and tonight. Thank you for the promise that you made me earlier (i hope ya remember :tongue:) You know where i am if you need me and don't be sorry about ringing me, i want you to ring me when you feel your gonna do anything. Please stay safe.

    Love ya.

    Viks (the addictive one :tongue:)

    x <3 x <3 x
  8. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Dad & Stepmum: You win, Fuckers.