to escape, to sleep, to just get high

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by triggs, Aug 9, 2009.

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  1. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    i don't even know why
    the past week or so... i have no concept of time right now...
    i've been taking doves, smoking more weed that i should and it's just
    i don't know.
    i want to be high all the time.
    i hate the come down
    the nausea when i wake up.
    it's only okay if i have pills.
    saying that
    i know it's only been like a week or something.. i don't know
    but it's not that long
    maybe two, three weeks at best.
    i just thought, escapism through this means, it's not great
    i know
    but it helps me sleep and just feel alright.
    the pills make me motivated - like i can actually do something you know?
    i NEVER feel like that anymore, not if i'm just.. normal.
    and after i've done whatever ... then green just calms me down
    i hate sleeping at night
    i can't really sleep at night anyway, my flashbacks are too much to deal with
    but the past.. however long it's been that i've been on this routine..
    i've been sleepin like a baby :lol!:
    i guess i don't know... i just wana know why everyone else does stuff
    i said it's only been a week or whatever, i know i'll miss bein able to sleep and relaxing ..when i run out of money and stuff.. but i know it's not gna continue. i can't afford to be okay all the time...
    i just wish i could
  2. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Acutally I love escaping just life. Lately I've been taking DXM, and a dramamine to trip balls and escape life. The trips I have had off that stuff is just unreal, and its awesome to have real-life conversations with people I haven't seen since high school and who it would be impossible to be acutally talking to.
    Yea I wish I could be high all the time, because when I'm high I usually feel great and awesome compared to not being High where I feel like jumping off some high building and ending it all.
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    hey triggs
    be careful with those pills.I hope you do not get addicted.Isn't there a prescription anti depressant or..a sleep aid..god I'd love it myself..that would be safer?
  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    yeh exactly.. confidence and just feeling as though you can do things.. even if it's just normal things, that you wouldn't otherwise be able to do if you weren't high... and feeling as though life is actually worth living
    :dunno: ... sobriety should be more like that

    hey ashes
    it's okay, they're not very addictive, and i know when i have to stop anyway (when i don'thave enough money to buy them) so i've not got into that mentality of knowing i can get more - coz i can't. so that way it's unlikely i'd get addicted.. i've only got like a couple of days worth left :(
    i can't get antidepressants or anything prescribed.. i know it sounds lame but i'm scared of going to my doctors and letting him know i'm not okay and stuff.. it's okay, i'm fine with self-medicating at the moment
  5. SickBoy

    SickBoy Active Member

    Are these pills LU Doves?
    If so you can buy the main ingredient (butylone) online for about £20 a gram, which is a good five or six doses.
    Legal high pills are a major rip.
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