To everyone in SF

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Nov 16, 2007.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    STUPID, STUPID STUPID!!!! I mean come on, really what was I thinking. I am trying so hard to help others and maybe make a difference, and I can't even help myself. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!! Sorry.
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I don't ever think you can't help people just because you can't help yourself. You might be better suited to helping others than yourself. I for one love helping people but as for myself...
    I've made a few mistakes helping people in the past and I regret them but I don't want to stop. I just learned from my mistakes.
    You're not stupid for helping people, it is an admirable quality. Just remember to recieve as much help.
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you do help hun and you do make a difference, never think otherwise.

    take care
  4. Queen_Akasha

    Queen_Akasha Guest

    :agreed: :hug:
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    No, you are not "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID [etc.]..."! And although I'm new here, I've read lots of your posts and I'm quite sure that you have helped many others!

    A lot of people find it easier to see how others' lives are "evolving" and they can help others, but *sometimes* they cannot help themselves. The reason is simple: We tend to be too close to our own situations to step back and get the big picture. In the middle of feeling hurt, who is *entirely* rational? Not many people...No one I know.

    I think stepping back from our own lives can be done. Some people are blessed with a calmness of spirit right from the start. I think most of us have to learn that as a skill before we can distance ourselves enough to "help" ourselves. It's especially hard to achieve a distanced perspective when situations are confused and contradictory and when things hurt like hell (even if they happened years ago).

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're NOT stupid. From your posts, I think you're thoughtful and intelligent! (Got it? Good.)

    Smile, please! :smile:
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks for the input. But I have been sitting here today thinking about a lot of things. I know it is probably the depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts that are doing it, but I just feel like I don't belong anywhere. And that is a feeling I'm used to. I was starting to feel like I belonged here. But I don't want to get too comfortable. So I do what I do best, I start shutting down and isolating myself from others. That way, I can't be hurt and I can't hurt others. I really enjoyed helping others. But how can I keep being a hypocrite. I truly mean what I say to the others. But what about " heal thy ownself?" I know I am beyond help. I was beyond help before my 1st attempt. But I managed to put on the face that everyone else needed to see. I feel so confused right now. I've been pretty level for the last day but I feel the blackness coming to take me again. And I really don't have the strength to fight him anymore. I WANT him to take me. So if it means I jump the gun, what the f*ck. I'm going anyway. And a wonderful soul has been "walking" me through the rough spots lately, but I don't want to burden him anymore. Man, I'm rambling again. Sorry. I just can't seem to kep a straight stream of thoughts. Anyhow, all of that doesn't matter. I meant to just say thanks and I hope you keep reaching out and try to help others in SF. You seem to be a guenuine soul and have a good heart. May you always have those things.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2007
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hmmmm..."Heal thyself."

    I've just checked out the origins and the present-day meaning of the phrase. It's from the New Testament. I don't know the particular story well enough to understand the original context. Our present-day use of "heal thyself" usually refers to a situation in which one is able to point out what is wrong with others but not what is wrong with oneself. (By the way, I don't think people on SF usually "point out what is wrong with others." More likely, there's a rush of caring and support, instead.)

    IMO, ALL of us on this planet at one time or another see what's going with others but can't find our own way out of things. If you think about it, most (if not all?) civilizations have had "healers" because people external to oneself seem better able to aid in the healing. Even healers cannot always heal themselves; they have to call upon another healer. If they could and always did heal themselves, you would never see a physician or health care person smoke, eat too much, drink alcohol, forgo physical exercise...etc., etc. Maybe humans are not even meant to do our healing alone. Life is a journey that "includes" healing. Healing is a kind of journey within the journey - it's a process, during which a person learns and grows. Getting lost on our journey from time to time is pretty standard. Asking for help sometimes is also usual. (Stubbornness, pride, resistance and fear of accepting help may be what holds us back or misdirects us.) I even suspect that helping others along the way is part of what helps us to "heal ourselves." (Maybe we SF types need to say hang on, stay strong, etc. to others until we ourselves are infused with that same guiding light we offer to others.)

    I know the darkness is there and I understand you think you should know how to chase it away, and if you can't do that, you want to sink into it.

    I believe that you are learning to chase it away. (It's a process!) I hope you allow yourself to continue the journey. (Put it this way, I'm sure when I have a flat tire, I'll appreciate your help! I would be very sad if you weren't available.)


    gotta go...volunteering at a shelter tonight. Hey, I can't solve my own life yet, but that ain't gonna stop me from telling everybody else what to do, ya know. (LOL!) I'm still trying to learn "my own" message, too!
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