Maybe I have dealt with things the wrong way but its way to hard now I cant cope anymore. I have tried to feel differently..I really have. I have reached out to people, I was recently in an ED clinic and even they knew I was having these thoughts, trained psychiatrists who just kept medicating me...now I am on so much medication that I hate because I have become to rely on them, I cant sleep without them. I don't want to live like this ITS TOO HARD. Nothing is going to change...I felt this way over a year ago..and everyone told me in a few months you will see things differently and be glad you didnt take your life...k...12 months later..I feel the same if not worse. Were they lying? or am I just that weak that I can't be fixed....So people say you need to keep going with counselling..thing is I hate talking about things with other people...I don't deserve to have people listen to my crap. Then when I finally get up enough courage to tell my counseller about past events I feel so much worse..I regret telling them...Instead of putting it to the back of my mind and trying to forget these events I am now made to think about it...and relive it every night. Sorry it makes things worse...so I can say I tried...but now I am giving up because it is too late for me...plus I am really not worthy of a life...things have been done...and everyone says you are strong to have got through that when really all I am is weak for letting people do that. I am a failure...I put stress on my family and everyone around me... by not eating and self harming..my flat mates want me out they cant handle it..my friend are in denial and yeah well dont talk to them...I have no one...I am no one...life is too hard! I am a failure! I am going to shut up now cause agh no one should have to read this crap about me I am not worth it...piece of crap is all I am!