To hard now...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Gem_Gem, May 15, 2010.

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  1. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Maybe I have dealt with things the wrong way but its way to hard now I cant cope anymore. I have tried to feel differently..I really have. I have reached out to people, I was recently in an ED clinic and even they knew I was having these thoughts, trained psychiatrists who just kept medicating me...now I am on so much medication that I hate because I have become to rely on them, I cant sleep without them. I don't want to live like this ITS TOO HARD. Nothing is going to change...I felt this way over a year ago..and everyone told me in a few months you will see things differently and be glad you didnt take your life...k...12 months later..I feel the same if not worse. Were they lying? or am I just that weak that I can't be fixed....So people say you need to keep going with counselling..thing is I hate talking about things with other people...I don't deserve to have people listen to my crap. Then when I finally get up enough courage to tell my counseller about past events I feel so much worse..I regret telling them...Instead of putting it to the back of my mind and trying to forget these events I am now made to think about it...and relive it every night. Sorry it makes things worse...so I can say I tried...but now I am giving up because it is too late for me...plus I am really not worthy of a life...things have been done...and everyone says you are strong to have got through that when really all I am is weak for letting people do that. I am a failure...I put stress on my family and everyone around me... by not eating and self harming..my flat mates want me out they cant handle it..my friend are in denial and yeah well dont talk to them...I have no one...I am no one...life is too hard! I am a failure! I am going to shut up now cause agh no one should have to read this crap about me I am not worth it...piece of crap is all I am!
     
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I really hate to be making one of those empty "I'm listening" posts, but I'm exhausted right now and can't really think straight.

    It kinda sounds like there's a lot of self-hatred going on there, and that's something that can be changed. How? I've no idea, tbh.

    But maybe stick around a bit? I will try to contribute something more meaningful once I am not sleep deprived.
     
  3. Gem_Gem

    Gem_Gem Well-Known Member

    Nawww try sleep.

    Seriously don't worry about it...The fact you posted at all is enough I promise you, i deserve nothing more!! :) so thank you! <3
     
  4. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    Hmm. It's sad to hear about you feeling this way. I used mediciation to sleep for over 2 years, i had too many thoughts & a horrible depression, so it really helped me, today I don't need them anymore though i miss them sometimes (yeah life sucks). But hey, there is no need for you to ever stop taking medicine if it helps you, I will probably be using anti-depression medicine for the rest of my life, and I am only 19.

    I also know that people are very different in the time of "healing" for some it takes 6 months, for some it takes 40 years. I have been told the same things as you have for over seven years, but I'm still depressed, I am better than I was (due to my medication) but I'm nowhere near healthy. I don't think you should stress like: "I must get better" and so on, you have to just live in the state you are now and let things happen, I know it sound harsh, but it's the truth, it's a lot about self-acceptance.

    Nothing of what you feel or think is crap, it is all thoughts and emotions which should be respected by everyone. I really hope you at least eat enough, it is important for the body with energy, even if it's extremely hard to eat!


    I don't know if anything I say can will help, but at least you know that you are not alone my friend :)
     
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