To many this is meaningless, to me it confirms what I typically believe

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SoleSpider, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. SoleSpider

    SoleSpider Member

    I often feel ignored or disregarded or that nobody would choose to be around me. I know it's unrealistic, there are people who choose to be around me and I know there is no such thing as "universe is against me" but rather it's probable that I use experiences to confirm my negative thoughts than possible positive ones.

    It's just that I can't ignore these experiences.

    I will give an example, the purpose of this post. There is a street near where I live that along a stretch of the busiest parts of it and between two main cross streets, there are 2 stop signs and flashing red lights at crosswalks for people who are walking and shopping to safely cross. It's a slow street, nobody is racing through it and it's known by everyone walking on it or driving through it that everyone goes slow and pedestrians have a clear right-of-way. I've driven through this road hundreds of times and walked on it 100 or more times. Every single time I've driven through or walked on the sidewalks and observed people crossing at those crosswalks with the stop sign and flashing red light, the cars ALWAYS wait for pedestrians even if they've all finished crossing. Everyone stops and waits, even when there are clearly no pedestrians. If I were to count up the number of times I've seen people crossing it must be at least 1,000 if not more. Nobody, ever, not once had a car drive through while they were crossing. Except me. Not once but twice. I've walked the street over 100 times and crossed maybe 30 or 40 times. Of those 30 or 40 times, twice now I've had cars either completely not see (even when driving slow) me and I had to dodge being run over or they saw me and treated me as someone who didn't matter to wait for.

    Let's do the math on that: Twice out of a maximum of 40 crossings for me is being potentially run over -- that's 1 out of 20 times. Yet me observing over 1,000 crossings of the same by other people not once have I ever seen someone experience the same. If everyone's experience is the same as mine and it's just my perception of the world that's skewed, I should have observed up to 50 events of someone almost being run over in those spots.

    The most recent time this happened was yesterday. As I was crossing, I was already just past halfway and this woman in her car driving no faster than 5 or 10 MPH slowly drives through the crosswalk as if I was invisible. As her car is just a few feet from me and just before she passes I can see she looked over at me and I opened up my arms with the "WTF" physical expression. She looked right over at me, there is a crosswalk, stop sign and flashing red light. There is a human being about to walk in front of her car. Unless I am completely delusional her eyes also looked right at me and she drove through anyway, kept driving. In that 3 seconds of existence, what I experienced was a chunk of humanity saying "you don't matter". The feeling that had I been run over, bleeding to death on the street, everyone would rush over to make sure the attractive Asian woman in the car was alright and not shaken up too much by the guy who clearly was out of his mind crossing on a crosswalk with a stop sign and flashing red light. What a piece of shit that guy was, now someone quickly peel him off the street so we can go back to enjoying our Starbucks lattes.