To much failure...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Mar 5, 2012.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I need a job... but every time I try to fill out this fucking application i make some sort of mistake. Be it handwriting being horrible or just writing the wrong thing.

    I failed college...

    I failed socially...

    I have failed every big thing I have ever tried save one exception in 2005... and that success got me no where.

    This is not a recession it is not a depression... it is a permanate change that is going to fuck over a huge portion of my generation especally those like me who have a bad set of gentics that prevents them from doing anything big in life. If young people can't get our feet in the door we are screwed. I can't wait till im 30 to even get a job and that is the only solution here if we are suposed to fucking wait till the economy allows those with epxierence to mo ve up and leave us something.

    I can't deal with failure..; I can't deal with watching people who made it their life goal to make mine hell suceed where I failed... I can't bare to live alone without close freinds... above all else I can't live as a fucking 22 year old completly dependant infant anymore.

    I am giving htis some time to change... but it will take a miracle for me to be around much longer.
  2. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    oh, how i wish i was 22 again. you should give it some more time. At least you're not 27 and feeling this way :)
  3. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Most of the reason that you can't find a job are forces beyond your control. I know that can make you feel powerless and angst-ridden - as it does for me - but rest assured that it's a matter of patience. A lot of people are hurting, but it can get better. You're still pretty young, and there are people who've waited much longer to get a job, only to end up feeling fulfilled thanks to their waiting. I know it's not easy, but keep pressing on.
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Randomguy9- I used to believe I was a failure too. I eventually stopped trying so that I wouldn't have to worry about failing. All of the things in this life point to this: money= happiness. Well I have to disagree. I am poor money wise. But I am rich in love, joy, and knowledge. My spiritual and physical life are one and the same and I am complete. I know who I am, I know why I am here. I know why everything is the way it is, and I can use that knowledge to better my life and those around me through my application of this knowledge in my life!
    I may be poor and not have brand spanking new useless crap, but I have everything I have ever wanted and more. Genuine friends, a great relationship with my family. A wonderful relationship with my creator, as his student and child. I was blessed with a home, land, vehicles, a loving husband, and three children.

    My life wasn't always this way. I was a hooker/ stripper who lived out of hotel rooms, car, and a suit case. I had nothing, but drugs and meaningless sex to keep me going. All I wanted was to die, and to end the life I was living. But one fateful morning I chose to change the choices I hung onto, and my life progressively got better. Its been almost SIX years and my past seems like it happened to someone else. Bad memories that are even harder to remember because of how great my life is now compared to then. This can happen for you and anyone who does what I have done. Stop the cycle and move forward. make a change for the better not for the worst. You deserve LIFE not death. don't give up.
  5. TheConqueror

    TheConqueror New Member

    I feel the same way. My whole life has been one big failure. I do not think I can name one instance where I succeeded without letting myself or anyone else down. Sports, jobs, relationships, school: everything for me is failure and it drives me further into depression.
  6. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Money buys distractions from misery.
    I do not mean to disrespect you with anything here... but well faith failed me. I don't know how many times I have prayed for the major issues to be fixed... yet none of them ever happend. I have never had a gf, a real job... and the odds are pretty fucking good that I will never get married or have kids of my own.
    I am glad you pulled yourself out of that life... and am glad that someone got out of feeling suicidal. But I have been a loser sense early in life... never been someone people like... never had any sucess at anything major with two noteable exceptions.
  7. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    Hi Randomguy, I share very similar feelings and outlook as you. I'm 21 and nothing but a failure really, no job as of right now, no girlfriend (not to say I've never had one). Socially I'm a recluse and always have been - I was somewhat social back in Highschool when I had a very small but tight knit group of friends, but lost touch with them which seems to happen with everyone.

    I want to go to college to try and improve my life but every time I think about it I just think "what's the point?" There aren't any jobs, and it would leave me with a huge amount of debt I'd have no means of paying back which I don't need hanging over me. People are crazy if they think this recession is going to get better any time soon, it's not, any time the US has gone into an economic down turn it's taken at least a decade for the economy to recover. Some experts predict it'll take even longer this time, so yes our generation got royally screwed over. Something my dad doesn't understand and refuses to take into consideration. He honestly doesn't even think the country is in a recession! He's convinced it's just the media over dramatizing things - easy to say when you're making 400G's a year. :dry:

    I feel like a child because I'm still living in my dads house and not a day goes by he doesn't remind me what a failure I am, even though he's right. I absolutely hate being dependent on him, partly because he takes advantage of it but mostly because I know I could do so much better if I could just stay motivated but my depression always comes along and kills it. He'll be kicking me out in 2 months and I have nowhere to go, no friends or family to room with so I'm screwed. Then I look at all my friends from HS and every single one of them are successful and living their dreams, not to say I'm not glad for them but it makes me hate myself for not living up to them.

    Anyway enough ranting, just wanted to let you know I'm in a similar situation and I know how much it sucks to be young, unsuccessful in almost every aspect of life and still dependent on others with virtually no control over anything. It really is a terrible feeling.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2012
  8. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Another day another pain...

    Went to turn in a job ap and the manager wasnt in... and my nerves got the best of me before I could even try to get the next one in...

    I can't deal with people... im scared of them i am weak im a worthless piece of shit... I will not see my next birthday if I dont ahve a path to good money... the only thin that could distract me now.
  9. Keep trying keep trying .. Send more applications.. You are not a failure.. You are just stuck in a dark tunnel confused with your directions.
  10. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I got two more in person applications turned in yetserday... neither person seemed impressed with me... guess I can't blame them with the all a round piece of shit that I am...

    Got some online applications done as well... but i am pretty sure "expierence" is going to get mine in the no pile very quickly...
  11. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Greg - you are not a worthless piece of shit, nor are you a failure. A person can't BE a failure - they an fail at some stuff, sure. Everyone does. But the only way to actually fail is to give up. You can't "win" or "lose" until the game is over Greg and you are 22. The game has hardly even started.

    I get that money equals distraction - and heaven knows I understand the anxiety attached to not having enough and the constant worry that can invole, but any money over "enough" is irrelevant. I've done jobs that paid me a LOT and left them for jobs that paid a pittance and was always happier doing something I like for people I respect for very little money than doing something I didn't are about for people who also didn't care. Having a "well paid" job is nowhere near as important as you think it is right now.

    And the economy is not as bad as you think it is. Admittedly we (UK) are in marginally better shape than you are, but even so the latest stats are something like 10% unemployment. Which sounds bloody scary until you flip it over and realise that means 90% employment! I spent the last two years terrified I'd never find a job again. It made me feel, often, the way you feel. But there ARE jobs out there. Some sectors ARE still growing and many employers know that experience is not as valuable as people who are enthusiastic and can learn.

    You are beating yourself up over perceptions that are distorted Greg. There is nothing wrong with you or your employability. You need to stop telling yourself you are worthless and that you wont get a job because the more you tell yourself this, the worse you feel, the more nervous you become, the harder it is. It isn't true Greg. You can and will be a success. I believe in you.
  12. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Another day another failure... i have lost track of how many job applications i have crumpled up and thrown to the side of the room after screwing up on them....

    If i can't even fucking fill out a paper app maybe I don't deserve things to get better...
  13. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    i cant say anything because they already told you what is right.
    if you need someone to talk. you can pm me :)
  14. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    The game is over... I made enough mistakes to fuck up any chance of fixing them. I should have known when I was 16 i needed to work part time so id have the expierence... i knew things were getting worse but I did nothing to prevent htem. I should have known im to fucking stupid to make it through college... i see no reason why I should be alive right now...
    I can see that point... but i think for me money is a necessity.

    For my generation this it every bit as people think x 1000... if we arent working now we have no chance of moving up the ladder... i wikll be 30 at youngest when i get my first job.. even if i get one now there will be college graduates pushing for me and peole falling from higher up pushing me out.
    Every employer asks me the same questions... do you have expierene and the answer is no ive been wasteing my fucking time with my family.
  15. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    At least you are 22. I am 39 and I've failed the military, college, and a small business so far. I am back to school and I am usually 20 years older than other students. It hits me hard everyday when I wake up knowing that I could even lose the basic things that I have now. Then what I am gonna do? Homeless? I might move out of this country if it comes to that.
  16. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Ive Had the exact same thing happen to me, and someone once told me some very simple words that changed my point of view and the way i think. Those words were, You cant fail at life. That simple you can only fail if your trying to live up to societys standards or what others want you to be. But as long as your being yourself and standing stright every day you are a success.
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