to mum ~triggering~

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by tintin, Apr 17, 2008.

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  1. tintin

    tintin Guest

    Mum why did give up fighting. You were so strong.
    Now everything in my life has gone all wrong.
    I have no fantasies no hopes no dreams
    I don’t feel happy when i’m asleep

    I don’t ever feel anything except regret and fear.
    My only wish is that you are still here
    I just need to hear your voice again
    Just need you to take away all this pain

    But this wish of mine is never going to come true.
    And I will never get over losing you.
    I can’t picture your smiling face
    Mum your only daughter is a disgrace
    The only time I have peace is when the blade cuts my skin
    But even that wont heal the pain deep within

    The pain of what he does to me
    And the pain of knowing I will never be
    The person I was who made you proud
    Now all I do is let people down

    I lost the will to trust people to one stupid girl
    And now my head is in a whirl.
    I can’t tell anyone what I really should.
    About the happiness I feel at the sight of the blood

    Why did the one person I trusted throw it back in my face?
    And mum I mean in the worst possible way
    And mum the pain is ruling my life
    I can’t do what you did and make it all right

    You was the only person who understood me you felt the same
    But now for your death I take the blame
    I shouldn’t have put all my worries on you
    Then maybe you would have been here and I wouldn’t be blue
    Mum i’m sorry for all the pain I caused
    You lost your life and it was my fault

    How can anyone make that all right?
    But people won’t give it up without a fight
    How can I f eel good about myself?
    When what I should really do is burn in hell

    Am sorry for everything I did that made you mad
    And am sorry for making you feel sad
    I’m sorry I can’t shed a tear for you
    But why should I after all I put you through

    Am sat at college and listening to your song
    And it makes me realise what I love is gone
    I miss your smile and happy face
    Your laughs and tears your warm embrace
    Mum i’m sorry I really am
    My life is just one big sham
    Everything I do I make it worse
    All I picture is your hearse

    I wish there was some way I could make things ok
    But at the moment I take it day by day
    I remember seeing the coffin disappear away
    And I lost my mum on that day

    This isn’t working nothing will
    Coz the hole you left no one can fill
    And no one can take away my memories of been used
    And the memories of when I am abused

    I can smell his smell everywhere I go
    And what I should do I don’t know
    I can always feel him on my skin
    And no matter how deep I cut it don’t get rid of the feelings within

    And every time I stop they come again
    Why are theses the memories that remain?
    And why can’t I find the memories that I want to find
    It feels like you have been erased from my mind
    And everything I feel hurts much more
    And I will never be able to open the door

    On the part of my life I want to keep
    And the realisation of this runs so deep
    Mum i'm sorry I disappointed you I know it’s my fault
    That door is like a stainless steel vault
    And all my memories of you are locked in there
    The glow in your eyes the smell of your hair

    And someday somehow I will break into that room
    And you will see me blossom and bloom
    Like the love you planted in our hearts
    And am sorry that I broke it apart
    From causing you suffering anger and pain
    I don’t want to put anyone through that again

    All I want is to be able to smile
    And I will do it even if it takes a while
    I don’t want to feel guilty for what happened to you
    But try as I hard it feels true
    People tell me its not I shouldn’t blame myself
    That your death was caused by your bad health

    But maybe I did something to make it worse
    And that is the reason we followed your hearse
    And the reason grandma is always down
    I just need to turn my life around

    And it’s going to be hard without you here
    Coz my life is full of all my fear
    The fear that I sent away the one thing I need
    And this is the reason why I can’t grieve

    Mum i’m sorry I will try to make things right
    And people are going to help me with the fight
    Mum I love you AND no one can talk that away
    And hopefully we will meet again one day

    And when we do i’m going to make you glad
    And make you proud of the girl you had
    Because that is my only mission in life
    And I won’t give it up without a fight

    It’s going to take time
    But I can wait
    I will make you proud of me
    When we meet at the gate

    Mum I did something you won’t believe
    I opened up told someone about me
    But I can’t tell them all I feel
    So am hoping this poem makes it real
    I hope they will read it and understand
    Why I am like I am

    Hopefully this poem will shed some light
    About what I feel about my life
    See mum am already making progress, it’s a start
    And mum you always have a place in my heart
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2008
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    This is a beautiful piece, dunraven. It hit home. Thank you for moving me, for getting at least some of my tears to come out.
    Thank you. :hug: And if you ever want to talk, feel free to add me on MSN or to send me an email. Both can be found in my profile.
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