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to mum

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it aint my fault that the dogs got out again mum, ok? i locked the gate right, they just got through a hole. i would NEVER use my phone or anything else for that matter to record you and dad in a fight. as it is i already dont want to remember, and even WITHOUT the help of technology i still do. if i DID tell you what i was doing really on the phone though, you'd be even angrier at me for talking to a stranger instead of say, you. i borrowed the torch, ok? i forgot to give it back, but i didnt want you to get it, because of the fact that it was first off, under my pillow, and second off, there was a suicide note next to it that i was gonna tear up anyway - i didnt want you to read it. i dont want to or mean to put you under more stress. i understand that you're tired. i am too, you have no idea. but i'm NOT, do you hear me, NOT being evasive to be like him. to be like him is the last thing that i ever want to do.
ugh, if i could i'd delete that post, but oh well i guess. dad's come back again after nearly a week... he's been drinking and he's confusing me. or well not really. he just wants to drag mum along to this function tomorrow so that he can look good with his 'wife'. she doesnt even want to go, but she says that she has to. personally i dont see why she has to go if she doesnt want to... theres always choice, but thats just what i think anyway. its prolly got to do with the fact i still dont really trust dad as much as i should be. i really need to get over myself, or else i aint gonna get anywhere....
I would - if I could. Slightly late for that now, and Mum knows I didnt want her to go anyway. She's fricking confusing me. I mean now her and Dad are talking like it never even happened!!! Arrrrrgg
I am sorry they have to put you in such a situation.....I can only guess but I am assuming that you don't want to be like your father, you don't like him but you love him and your mother you probably in a small way resent for keeping you and her in a situation she could leave, because not only is it hurting her, it's hurting you.

I am so very sorry you have to go through this it hurts and is hard to deal with, very hard. I wish I could make all your pain go away hun.

I am here if you ever need to talk, you have my MSN and my PM box is just a PM away. I loves ya girl. Take Care and stay strong. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


~With love and hope for you,
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