Dear J, I really don't know what I would have done without you for the past few months. I know it has been exceptionally rough for you, and it has not been great for me either but we have stuck together throughout all the shit that life has thrown at us. When I first started on the ward, I think you were the last person I ever expected to get on with so well. I think it was because I was so quiet, so young and so different and you are very outspoken, you say what you think and are lot older than me. I didn't think you used to like me very much when I first started, but it's weird how things change. When I felt more confident around my work mates we began to speak more, and we used to have a good laugh. I will never forget the day when I was off work sick and I came in to hand in my sick note to P and I popped into the staff room as you were all on break. I was shaking and I could barely speak, and you were the only person who asked if I was okay and although I didn't cry, it just spilled out. Then when I came back to work you were so warm to me and helped me through as I was still a nervous wreck inside. I will never forget my first shift back, and you had been on green the few days before I came back and you left me a very instructional note about what was happening (yes you little shit I had 5 out of 6 discharges that day! lol) and I will always appreciate that because I would not have had a clue what was going on that day. Ever since then we have become quite close and would send amusing texts to each other, usually about drinking wine and how terrible we felt the next day lol (we still do haha). We have had some great trips out together and some good laughs. I was absolutely gutted for you when D got cancer. You and he didn't deserve that, not in a million years. I admire you so much for the strength that you have. You have had to put up with some shit in your time, but when D got ill, it was beyond words. I didn't know what to do, or what to say and I just wish I could have waved a magic wand for you and D so that it would have all just gone away. I tried to be there for you as much as I could, but I still wish I could have done more for you. In the middle of all the crap you were going through, I was having problems with B and his violent assault and how to handle it along with the stress of moving into my own place. But despite how you felt, you were there for me, supported me multiple times when I wanted to quit therapy and I told you things I have never, ever told anybody else before. You made me feel like I didn't have to go through everything alone. You have helped me so much over these past few months and I genuinely do not know where I would be without you. My other friends S and A just simply do not care about me anymore. I could not talk about the things I have talked about with you with them as they would not understand and they are just too busy with their own lives and have moved on without me. I am learning to accept this now. I know you laughed when I said that it was sad that you were my only friend, you joked and said "I'm not that bad am I?" haha but I think you know what I really meant. I'm sorry if I have appeared needy at times but you are literally the only person other than B that I have left close to me. You make me laugh so much, and you really do make me smile and that doesn't happen very often these days. I really can't thank you enough, there are not enough words to express how grateful I am. I'm really going to miss you when you leave. I really don't know what I am going to do without you at work. We are both each other's go to person when we need to rant and let off steam and just have general gossip. I don't really feel very connected to anybody else on the ward anymore. I see S and K out of work but I cannot talk to them about the things that we talk about. S is much closer with "the clique" and K has obviously been on another ward for over a year now. I'm really worried that I will just detach again and sink further into this pit of depression. I know that isn't your fault, and you really do need to do what's best for you and your family. With D being so poorly and you living so far away from work, you need to be closer to home. I was so happy for you when you got the job you wanted because you really do deserve it. I guess I am sad and I am just going to miss my friend so much. I really hope that we don't lose touch when you leave, and that you keep on texting me and we can phone each other every so often for a gossip and an update and that we can still meet up and get up to all sorts of mischief. Words cannot describe how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. I think you are probably the best friend I have ever had, so thank you for giving me the privilege of being your friend.