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to protect the one i love

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by thanks, W!, Sep 21, 2006.

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  1. thanks, W!

    thanks, W! Guest

    I am a member of sf but my girlfriend is aware that i'm am posting under the nick I use, and if she read this post, I know that this will hurt her. I don't want to lie to her, and if she asked me about this, i'm sure i'll tell her anyway. I'm just hoping to avoid confrontations at the moment.

    I am a female, and my lover is a she. We've been together seven years and we're happy. We've had our dreams and now, it's coming true. I love her and despite the problems we've had last year, I know that she loves me more than anything.

    But before her, I happen to have a 6-year relationship with a guy. I know I don't love the guy, not before and not now. I just got infatuated with the face. It's just nice to have him around because he's pretty... like a trophy, but I know I can't bear to be with him forever. It's not a problem, though. I know that there's another woman in his life and we somehow understood each other.

    All I’ve ever wanted from this guy is a child. If I’d get myself pregnant, it’s just practical to choose a father with good genes, right? Before our relationship ends, my period was delayed for over a month and after that, a month of bleeding. I don’t know if I got miscarriage or what. I just knew that when we parted, there’s still no child.

    Now, after 7 years, we’ve meet again. He’s still as pretty as I remembered him, and as flirtatious and in truth, I’m still attracted to him. He made it clear that he still wants me, and that he can’t still accept that fact that I resorted to a “gay” relationship. I am tempted. Very. Oh, God, I’m so confused. I love my gf and I’m going out of my mind!
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    As hard as it would most probably be, I think it's wise for you to talk to your girlfriend. From reading your post I got the impression that you don't love this man, but you think he would be a good person with good genes to have a child with, yes? It's common sense to know both you and your current partner can't have children together because that is not possible and as a woman, it is natural for us to have feelings of wanting to be a mother at some point of our lives. I don't have any personal experiences when it comes to lesbian relationships but I wouldn't be at all suprised if there's been couples like you who do have a child by finding the right man because after all, you are both a couple, you love each other and you may well want to have a family, or you as yourself may want a child.

    I don't suggest you go behind your girlfriends back and go with this guy, if you do end up getting pregnant without your girlfriend knowing then that's going to cause a heck of a lot of problems.

    I think you have two options you should consider:
    1) Talk to your girlfriend about how much you want a child, see if she agrees then maybe you can talk about this man. Something that just came into mind is, have you considered adoption services? If your girlfriend doesn't want a child then I think you need to consider what you want more: To be with your girlfriend, or to have a child.

    2) Try to forget this man and cut him out of your life. As much as you want a child, if you go with him like he wants you to and you're tempted, your girlfriend somehow finds out then you're relationship with your girlfriend is gonna be tested. Even if your girlfriend doesn't find out, could you live with the guilt?

    Also, does this guy know you want to have a child by him?
    I don't know.. it sounds a bit risky to me, but I do hope things work out for you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2006
  3. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    *agrees totally with res*
  4. thanks, W!

    thanks, W! Guest

    This guy, he makes my heart beat faster, he always did. The mere thought of him makes my skin tingle. I am always physically reacting to him. He was my first lover (my gf the second) but even then, marrying him or growing old with him never entered my mind. I know I don’t love him, but there’s this little demon inside me that’s been entertaining the thoughts of him. My meds don’t help me anymore. I can’t sleep. And I can’t seem to do anything.

    Love is an alternation of chaos and tranquility, where chaos seems to be a pebble thrown in the calmness of the sea. That’s how I felt with my gf. Love is an acquired emotion, and once you acquire it, the more strength it takes in. Right now I’m already feeling guilty for her. I want to open up and let her see what’s happening inside me, but I’m so very afraid to hurt her.

    My girlfriend and I talked about adopting a kid. We even talked about artificial insemination. We already talked to her two brothers about being a donor when we finally decided that I am to do it. So I don’t really need my ex just so I can have a baby.

    It’s me who feels like needing that guy. To think that we don’t even had a good sexual relationship. I am trying to be honest here, as honest as I can be. But even I don’t know what real about me anymore. It’s just so confusing.
  5. painkiller

    painkiller New Member

    u know i might not now anything about love but just lisen to your hart so then you'll know what to do trust me and i know im just a kid but if he accept the fact that you have a gf and he still loves you then e really is in love with you i wish i had someone like you or him bt guess what i have never had sme one like that bt as i said ust lisen to your heart and that heart will know what to do.. And love you jk. take care and p2p me if u get a cance bye
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