Im 22 and I have had my ups and down for at least 6 years. It sounds long but it it's not. I have had my ups and downs. Im swedish and therefor my english might not be that correct in both spelling and grammar. Between the ups and downs it could be a month or even half a year. But my bad thoughts have always been there in the back of my mind/head. Sometime stronger sometime weaker. Sometime not at all for an along time. Sometimes more frequently. I do think of suicide quite often but its just a thought. And i do think of it at all times. At work, at home, when im out with friends, when im with my parents. I come from quite a middle class family. Been traveling around the world on varies vacations with my family. (just information). Maybe I'm more than just middle class but that doesn't really matter. Im still as unhappy. The reason from stopping me from taking my own life is how my parents and my younger brother feel. it will stick with them for the rest of there life's. I sometime want to end my life but im to scared because I know how deeply I will hurt my dad and mum and brother. How will they be able to continue there live? I just want to have this said. I'v been asking my mum and dad maybe once or twice for help and they have been scared/helpfull, will to talk and willing to pay for me to see someone to talk to but than it goes a week or two and i feel better. But after a month im back feeling like shit again. Why cant I be happy like everyone around me?!