....to see if I still feel.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by transparent, Aug 10, 2014.

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  1. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I can't get the pain to stop. My heart is hurting. The chest pains are deep an numbing. I watched myself cut. I had no control. I watched from across the room. I was out of my own skin, trapped in a glass box. I couldn't speak.
    I've made a mess with myself all over the floor. Who would want this? Willingly?
    I hadn't hurt in a very long time an then I snapped. It's something I don't know how to control, it controls me. The urge left me three years ago, I thought I was slowly getting better, but it's come back without warning.
    How can you fight against something you can't see? I do I fight which is me? It seems like I've been fighting myself my whole life.
    I'm tired. I am so fucking tired. Day in, day out. My eyes have gone grey.
    The hurting is still there. The urge is still in my hands an my head. It'll happen again. I just don't know when.
  2. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I felt the need to comment to this, it sounds very poetic almost beautiful in a strange way because I can relate to it it's all too familiar.... Three years is good and yes it comes back but it will leave again and hopefully even longer. I hope you stop harming transparent , I hope I do too.
  3. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    Firstly, well done for the 3 years you already made. Don't think of this as a relapse, as a slip-up one time can be put behind you.
    Can you think of what made you feel this way? Can you change it?
    How did you get through it before? Try to draw on that strength and get yourself past this hun, it's not worth going back there again, I'm sure you know that.
    Stay safe x
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