I can't get the pain to stop. My heart is hurting. The chest pains are deep an numbing. I watched myself cut. I had no control. I watched from across the room. I was out of my own skin, trapped in a glass box. I couldn't speak. I've made a mess with myself all over the floor. Who would want this? Willingly? I hadn't hurt in a very long time an then I snapped. It's something I don't know how to control, it controls me. The urge left me three years ago, I thought I was slowly getting better, but it's come back without warning. How can you fight against something you can't see? I do I fight which is me? It seems like I've been fighting myself my whole life. I'm tired. I am so fucking tired. Day in, day out. My eyes have gone grey. The hurting is still there. The urge is still in my hands an my head. It'll happen again. I just don't know when.