to take the job or not to...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by justmeonlyme, Sep 26, 2010.

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  1. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    ok so a few months ago my dad asked me if i wanted a job over working at the vineyard where he works well he ext me the other day and said that he needs an answer soon but idk... ok i haven't spent more than 3days with my dad since i was 8 and if i take this job it means spending most of the summer with him... and when im with him i get really triggered... and where he lives theres very little cellphone reception and there is internet but there on dial up and its in my grandma and grandads room and id be to shy to ask if i can use it anyway... so that would mean id be stuck alone with my dad, grandma and grandad and the only time i would be with them is when im working... and this means i will have very very little support if i do get triggered and also there's my boyfriend our relationship is already really had we have a long distance relationship and if im there i will have very little reception so i want be able to talk to him as much... but then on the other hand i need the money i have one year of school left and no money... and this would be the perfect job i wouldn't have to communicate with to many people and i could work out door and it would just be the perfect job. and i could also get to no him for myself not just from what he did and not just what mum has said. but also i dont no what mums gana say about this or if she will even let me go...
    so i really dont no this is just a really hard choice to make... anyway what do you guys think?
     
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Personally, I wouldn't take it, especially if you've been triggered by his presence in the past. That, coupled with the forced isolation, does not sound like a good combination.
     
  3. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    idk though coz i have been doing so much better lately maybe it will be different this time...
     
  4. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    sweetie, what is it abt him that triggers you? if that ok to ask I mean...
     
  5. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    ummm well he left when i was 8 and i have a lot of issues that have come from that things to do with perfectionism and issues with feeling abandoned and over the years he has made many a promises and broke prity much all of them so i feel as if i cant trust anything he says and when im with him i often feel like im not good enough for him...
     
  6. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    I think that before you would do the work you'd need to spend time with him to see if you can handle it. having a chat with your mum might help you come to a decision too.

    While the money and the type of job may be ideal for you, if you can't deal with ur dad then it could do more harm than good. Although if you did go and it worked out then you could get to know ur dad for real.

    Hmmm I would say have a chat with ur mum and see if you can meet up with ur dad before you make the decision so you can see how you feel.

    xx
     
  7. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    idk if i can talk to my mum... i dont like bringing up my dad around her i already no her opinion of him she thinks hes self centred and can hardly look after himself let alone someone else and i dont think i could see him before then coz i have to tell him in the next week or so if i want it...
     
  8. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    ok so i have decided im gana turn the job down! it would be a good job and all that stuff i said but ive been doing quite well lately and i was thinking i dont want to wreck my recovery for a job! i think that i will still see if i can maybe spend a few days with my dad so i can get to no him better and make my own decision on how i feel about him but i think spending all summer with him would not help my recovery. im sorry for wasting everyone's time but thanks for your opinions on it.
     
  9. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    aww hun :hug: you didn't waste anyones time

    I think you have made the right decision sweetie :smile: I hope u continue to do well, and take ur time with the dad thing :hug:

    xxx
     
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I think this is the right decision as well.

    Enjoy the break!
     
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