To talk or not to talk: Advice seeked on communication ethics

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NomenNescio, Sep 23, 2010.

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  1. NomenNescio

    NomenNescio Account Closed

    Hi all,

    New here, and won't be sticking around very long I guess (Pun/black humor intended), but I do have a problem I would like to share and perhaps receive some advice on it.

    I am a 37 year old male, and I have been having suicidal thoughts since I was twelve. Only tried it once, which was right at the beginning and failed because I used a method known to fail, but me, being stubborn as I am, thought I could make it work anyway. Never tried it again, hardly talked about it, but thought about it most of the days since.

    The last year has been a particulary tough year on me and truth be told: I am through. It is not that I hate life, as a matter of fact, I have started to enjoy it more the older I got, but I can't seem to get my life together in such a way that it seems worth the hassle.

    After having been alone for four years, I allowed myself to get involved with some flirting, a couple of months ago, and now I found myself in a relationship with someone I really like. That is a serious problem. I don't want to hurt her, and she's already got a friend in the hospital who recently tried to kill herself, but I have absolutely no clue how to break this whole thing off.

    So the question I have:

    Do you talk to your partner or not? She knows I have problems, she just does not know how seveire they are.

    If you choose not to, could it not be argued that one might cause even more grief, not sharing with your loved ones?

    If one decides not to talk, does that mean, not breaking up the relation, and just be gone one day?

    I fully understand the reasons not to talk to your loved ones. I mean; There is nothing they can say and probably nothing you say that they can approve to. So why bother? I keep, however, having problems with that approach. It makes me feel even more of an asshole. Of course, I should never have gotten involved with her so deeply, but now I did and this problem I need to solve before I can leave peacefully.

    Before you might ask: Yes, this woman has been the best thing that happened to me in a long, long time. The problems lie solely with me and nobody else.

    Hopefully some of you will be able to share some thoughts with me and give me some pointers to contemplate.


  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...if you are concerned about how she will feel, you must truly care for her...i do not understand why you would still think about exiting while having an intimate relationship...isn't life a little more comfortable now? Maybe, it would be beneficial to see what you are saying to yourself when you say you want to exit...if it is to titrate the pain, and the pain is less, what is actually going on? Just my 2 cents..please note I do not know how to run my own life, so everthing I am saying is being said in the most humble and respectful way...welcome again, big hugs, J
  3. NomenNescio

    NomenNescio Account Closed

    I do care for her. She's a very good person and has been so for me as well.
    For me it's always been obvious, that I have to think about loved ones.

    Because they are two separate things. And I feel strongly if I don't take action, I will become a burden for her. That would only increase my feelings of misery and decrease my already low self-esteem.

    I live with her at the moment, because I am out of a job and am having a real hard time finding new work. On top of that, I have some serious issues with my motivation. Things most of us here will have seen at some point of their lives.

    Simply put: I can't afford the cost of living and have a complete lack of motivation to do something about it. I used to be a pretty successful entrepreneur. Than got into a depression and have completely lost interest in money or material goods, before the primary reasons to accept the slave-life that most businessmen live.

    See above.

    It was not taken as a disrespectful comment. On the contrary!

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