To tell or not to tell.....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Julien, Jun 3, 2012.

  1. Julien

    Julien Member

    Hi all

    I have a new girlfriend. Well actually she is an old girlfriend that I have just got back together with after a 2 1/2 year break. Prior to that she has been a friend for 10 years or so. She knows me very well and knows that in the past I have suffered from depression and have attempted suicide. She also knows the back story behind this (which also got me into a lot of trouble, including time in prison) and has expressed her anger that I never talked to her about how messed up I was feeling prior to committing my crime. If I had told her my life may have been different, but who can say?
    I am now back in the community, although still under the authority of the probation service, and am going through a pretty hard time. I can't see a future for myself and have regular suicidal thoughts although I hide these pretty well from those around me. My question is do I tell my girlfriend quite how low I am? She is the only good thing in my life and I do not want to scare her off. To lose her really would be the last straw.

    Any thoughts/opinions would be gratefully received.

    Much love

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think there are two things here, first, make sure you get the care you need...many people get into entanglements (well said?) because of their mood issues, including depression, and second, you can test the waters...maybe not tell the whole story at once and she how she reacts...people say they want to know 'everything', but I do not think they mean everything at once...welcome, Jules and glad you decided to of luck to you
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree hun i think setting up some supports for YOU is the first thing you should do. Get YOU feeling more stable ok then talk to your gf hug
  4. Julien

    Julien Member

    Thanks for the advice guys. I have got a 'telephone assessment' with my local mental health team coming up at the end of this week, although I am not convinced that anything will come of it. They have not seemed too interested in the past. My problems stem from who I am and what I have done, neither of which I can change. Anyway, we will see what happens there I guess. I might use that conversation as a starting point for a conversation with my girlfriend :-
    "I spoke to the mental health team today" he says in a matter of fact way.
    "Oh really, what was that about?" she enquires.
    "I hate myself, I can't cope with my life, I can see no future and I'm thinking of ending it all"
    "That's nice dear. Tea?"

    Tea....the British answer to everything.

    On that note, I'm off to make a cuppa!

    Jules - doing OK today
  5. deathangel101

    deathangel101 Well-Known Member

    julien if she really cared about you she would understand and try to help you no matter what you condition was
  6. StellarSparkle

    StellarSparkle Well-Known Member

    Hey Julien,

    Honesty is very important in a relationship, so you should definitely tell your girlfriend about how you are feeling. If she really cares about you and loves you, she will do all she can in order to help you. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand.

    Good luck !