To The Guy Who Tried To Mug Me...

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Dec 19, 2009.

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  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Saw this in another forum.

    AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

    Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimberly Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

    ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours,

    Alex
     
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Excellent!!!!! Thanks for posting!
     
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Good post.
     
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Probably a fake account, but funny nevertheless XD (note that the FBI is good with voices and would probably book the idiot making the call for threats on the president)
     
  5. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Who would try to mug somebody with a knife? :blink:
     
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    These days knives are getting vastly outdated by commonly available firearms. I'd be like "wow you have a knife, run run lol" Half the time they're like pocket knives not even full on 10 inch hunting ones or anything :laugh:.
     
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    LongRoad, big talk - but everyone's tough on the internet ;)

    Muggings in Canada are mostly knife ordeals, due to rarity of handguns. A knife is still a highly lethal weapon, too (against bare hands, at least, not so much against guns). And I'd hand over my cash pretty quick, it's only money. Well. If I weren't hoping for someone to cut my throat. I sometimes wish someone would kill me on the street.
     
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