This is to anyone who I've spoken to recently.. or anyone that cares I guess. I'm really sorry, first of all. I know I've been confusing and basically a nut job. Nothings making sense that I say, no reasons for my actions. I'm really struggling with everythign right now. From school to just every day life, waking up and doing the basics even. I don't really know why. I guess the next month/past month have been really rough. It's a bad time of year. I can't really explain why it's a bad time of year. It wouldn't make sense to anyone, I know that much. Just know that I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting and stuff I've said. I have problems with opening up to people. That's probably why I won't or can't seem to accept support for what's bothering me right now. Or why I won't say what it is exactly that's bothering me so badly! I realize that this is a suicide site, and ffs, support is right in the title. I feel guilty for doing or saying anything concerning myself here. I shouldn't, I know. I know you guys care. Especially if you're reading this, yet another one of my retarded posts. Please know that I appreciate you investing even a moment of time in anything to do with me. Struggling with SH, and planning towards an end to everything. Every night is getting harder and harder to not cutt to deep, or take a bunch of drugs, or reach for a gun.. and I'll shut up about how or when.. but it's just getting worse. part of me is scared I'm going to do it. the other part of me is saying "get it over with already" I'm sorry if I waste your time. I'm just.. not myself anymore.