to the people who hate yourself:

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, Jun 10, 2012.

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  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    my therapist is trying to get me to explain why i hate myself so much.... but i dont know how i put it into words.... would you all be able to try to put how you feel and why you hate yourself into words, so i can try to get an idea and a start.... i dunno if thats okay to ask, but im just so lost and confuzzled right now, and i dont even know where to start :blub:
  2. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    For some people it's going through traumatic experiences that does it. Such as degradation,
    abuse, humiliation, etc. You can't rationalize it as to why you feel that, it's just a deep hurt that sometimes can never
    fully heal. Me personally, I know WHY I hate myself, as in, I know what caused me to be this way, but I don't
    know WHY I hate myself, in the sense of any actual, logical, concrete reasons that would justify the extent of
    what goes on in my head.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Aww well I wish you wouldn't hate yourself :hug: But that's good that you are are talking to your therapist about it, and I hope it does help you. For me personally, why I hate myself...well, I think I'm a huge loser, a failure, someone that people don't want to be around, and just a bad person in general. These things probably aren't true, but I really feel that way about myself.
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Thorn :hug:
    I am so glad that you are talking to a therapist. I hope she can help you.

    In answer to your question.... hmmm. Why do I hate myself?
    Because I feel the choices I made and continue to make are weak and wrong and ill advised
    Because I believe I am revolting to look at
    Because I believe there is more I could do to help people if I were less self absorbed, less lazy, less of a bad person
    Because I do not believe I contribute anything of worth to the world nor will I ever do so
    Because evidence suggests that people do not like me, do not wish to spend time in my company.

    I don't know how knowing why other people hate themselves can help you. I guess, probably, it isn't as much a case of hating what you are, as hating that you are not the things you wish to be? It is for me at least. Or possibly because you measure yourself on what you perceive other people's opinions of you are.

    In the end Thorn, you know I think there is nothing at all about you to hate. I know that this makes no difference at all. I hope you find a way out of the self loathing (and if you do, feel free to shout about any strategies you learn)

    I hope things are good for you and that finally not having to hide anymore helps you.

    Take care :hug:
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I hated myself because I was made to do things that went against my moral code, but I had to do them to live...I also hated myself because I sided with the aggressor (Stockholm Syndrome) and felt that he had to be right since he was a person in later life, I hated myself because it was safer; if I liked myself, I could be destroyed again, and I was not strong enough to risk that at the time
  6. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Because the person I always wanted to be is the opposite of who I am, and I lack the means (mentally sane?) to ever become that. And generally because there is nothing better to do with myself.

    In day-to-day life I hate myself because I can't do things most people find natural and easy to do.

    (short version)
  7. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    You summed up my feelings very well. It's heartbreaking to feel this way
  8. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    Because bullying, abuse and certain other experiences led me to build a negative belief structure affirming my own evil, corruption and worthlessness. Because through that belief system I judge the dumb mistakes I have made worse than if I were a real life member of the three stooges and the acts I have committed that can be explained but not excused more severely than I would judge Hitler, Torquemada or bin Laden. Because when I see those things in others I understand that we all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't so I generally don't judge them like I do myself, leading to certainty that I am a poor excuse for a human. Because I learned to fear being hurt so much for any perceived flaw that only perfection was acceptable to me... and I do mean merely acceptable. Because the only person to get me past any of that was my wife and soulmate who dealt with many of the same issues herself - I came to see if such a remarkable woman who I trust implicitly could love me there must be something good there. Finally because that one person died last year with me being the one to order life support be turned off... leaving me feeling that I killed a much better person than I could ever be...
  9. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    if you ask me now, not anymore. i don't hate myself anymore, but i used to.
    it's hard to explain why i felt that way. probably becoz i was a failure. oh... when i looked at myself back then, all i saw was the worst in me-- i was selfish, stupid, arrogant, cold-hearted blah blah blah... so kinda like that. hated myself and everything and everyone

    i read from somewhere that somehow you can get over that self-destructive attitude.
    look at yourself through the eyes of the kindest person you've ever known.
    will they judge you? no. will they hate you? no. will they forgive you for every bad things you have ever done? yes

    to err is human, yes.
    you yourself know it best what have brought you to this point.
    be understanding
    and extend your kindness to every being around you including yourself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2012
  10. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    I don't intrinsically hate myself, I have just internalised the negative attitudes of others towards me and it has made me feel worthless and that whenever I go out I will have to put up with derision and ridicule and I find this very hard to cope with

    Away from peopel I feel ok, it's just when forced to mix with them I'm given a clear message I'm not acceptible enough as far as my looks and behaviour go

    I think this has been caused by a combination of not being attractive due to slight jaw malformation which makes me face look longer than average plus Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism) - so appearance-wise and neurologically I'm f-ked! The Aspergers means I haven't been able to develop an outgoing social persona to make up for my lack of looks. I've had boyfriends and I live with an ex partner (the only person who makes my life worth living!) but it doesn't seem to ever convince me that I'm good enough. I will go out and have people give me funny looks and stares or laugh about me and point me out and it wipes out any good feelings I have about myself. My self esteem seems non-existant when among other people as I feel constantly vulnerable to ridicule/criticism. So I'm always in a state of anxiety/fear around people.

    A positive reaction from someone will make me feel good but a bad one just wipes me out. When people talk about developing a thick skin I'd say I have no 'skin' at all - every negative reaction to me is like a mental dagger to my self esteem.

    On the right dose of my anti-depressants I can deal with these things to an extent but the damage is still ongoing and all the events build up in my head like a database of negativity. I don't seem to automatically store happy memories, just negative ones!

    I often amaze myself that I'm still here to be honest as life often seems like a sick joke!

    Then I remind myself about all the terrible things that happen to other people out of the blue or from birth and say to myself why should I expect special treatment?

    I'm still not sure whether in my shoes other people would have ended things years ago and I'm jsut a sucker for punishment or if I'm just not trying hard enough. I just feel I'm far too sensitive to cope with how the world is/how people are and I don't know what the solution is.

    So I'd say I hate people and their judgmental attitudes more than I hate myself. I hate myself for being too cowardly to face people but I don't think I'm intrinsically hateful - I've always tried to be a good person.
    I don't like how I look but again that's linked to other peoples' reactions to how I look; if I am at home and not thinking about my looks I'm ok. I never used to feel this bad about my looks either - it's got worse over the years.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2012
  11. dustin

    dustin Banned Member

    I hate myself because I'm honest with myself about who I am. That simple.
  12. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Right now I hate myself for not having the guts to do what I know I need to do.

    And no, I don't mean suicide. Though I'm not sure I have the guts to do that either.

    Ultimately though, I think most of my feelings of self loathing come from the fact that other people always seem to dislike me. Personally, I like to think that I'm a smart, talented, and charming person... but apparently much of the rest of the world disagrees. So, I hate myself for being so unlikeable... I'm not exactly sure what it is about me that most people find so offensive, but whatever it is, I hate that.
  13. Rod

    Rod Member

    Because I have blown so many chances
    Because so many people are disappointed in me
    Because my life is loveless...
    Because all of the above is confirmed regularly
    Because if I was someone else, I wouldn't want to know me
  14. Jemm

    Jemm Well-Known Member

    Because I don't know how to forgive myself and move forward
    Because I know what I need to do to get out of this self made prison of loneliness and wretched despair but I'm too afraid or to insecure to do do it
    Because I'm afraid
    Because I'm insecure
  15. sadmom77

    sadmom77 New Member

    I hate myself because I brought 2 daughters into this world and can't help but think about wanting to leave them and this world. What mother does that? A bad one. hence the hate. there are of course numerous other reasons to hate myself: good for nothing, bad wife, bad daughter, self-absorbed selfish person in general, but the bad mother thing is getting me the most today.
  16. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I make mistake after mistake because I refuse to learn, my attitude is shocking I don't care about anything.
    My personality does not fit in with the way I look... people expect me to be confident, funny, humble and a ladies man but I'm the opposite. That expectation only puts more pressure on me heightening my anxiety. But I can't help who I am...
  17. windywave

    windywave Well-Known Member

    because it's my fault; i know what to do, but i keep letting this happen to myself
  18. synchrohobbit

    synchrohobbit Active Member

    I hate myself because I am a failure, and my anxiety keeps preventing me from becoming successful. And then I think about that and I FURTHER hate myself for blaming anything on mood disorders. And then I'm like, "what the fuck, if I have this much self-insight shouldn't I be able to fix this?!" Yeah.
  19. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    I did not read the other replies in this thread, which is unusual for me. It is a difficult thing for me to address.

    For me, there are a few of the classic reasons for self-hatred. I grew in a family situation that did not emphasize compassion, physical contact, or emotional openness. I do not blame these for my problems.

    Beyond these issues lay issues much more disconcerting for me. I do not feel comfortable discussing those, even here. These two areas of self-hatred combine into a perfect storm of loathing. I despise myself almost as much as I despise the average politician. I can give no better measure of self-hatred than that.
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