your simple question is why?// well let me tell you why
for me . it has always been a battle. i have let my heart to love and trust so many times that every single time i open up my heart i get hurt. I have even gotten to the point of not trusting anyone. so why??
If you had been through what i had been through all my 35 years upon this earth then you would know why. if you had edured that pain you would know why. i was to the point that i could trust no one but then i met a christian couple who told me they loved me and i let my heart go and i trusted them only because i asked them why? why do you love me and they said because God requires it or something like that, but then like i always do i did or said something wrong and i drove them away like i always do.
they loved me and they left me, just like everyone does. they all love me for a little while then leave because they can not understand the pain i feel. because they can not understand the love that i need to feel because i am different. it is too much for them that they think of me as being obsessive which i am not. i just need love and care and then it is often times tooken as an attention getter. that all i want is attention, well if that is what it truly is and if that is what i am then there is no good reason to be here if i can not feel love by anyone.
i feel like Jesus did. i feel the loneleness he felt when he was put on that cross. i feel that this world has left me to die alone and i am crusified with christ everytime someone says or does something to hurt me rather it be emotionally or not. i am in pain and that pain will not go away until i take the steps to stop it which is why i am here. not to stop me but to let others know why i did it and maybe let those that hurt me emotionally and those that loved me then just walked out of my life see where they caused me this much pain and for them to remember it and not do to someone else what they did to me. maybe just maybe my passing and my words will continue on and help stop them from hurting others again. i am in and have been in intense emotional pain and there is no light at the end for me but death.
Firstly, Cheers for replying.
Yes, you've been let down on countless occasions, but there are good people put there, you've been unlucky.You're 35, right?And because of the hurt you've experienced through life, you feel the need to end it?To be quite honest, I feel that's both saddening and, to a certain degree, quite ridiculous.
Is it a confidence factor with you?You can't trust anyone you say, but there's endless amounts of good people out there.You got with a christian couple?Surely you must have known that in doing so, problems were going to occur?
You say you are different, but in what sense, may i ask?Heck, we're all a little different to the next person!Yes, you do need love, and it's there to be found, but not if you give up searching.
You say you are here to help others, but if you do what you are saying you're going to do, you'll do nothing but influence others to follow your path, which is a desperate shame in this day and age.
There's all kinds of help out there, if you just trust and be confident about it!Ending your life isn't the answer to it at all.Look all those who are actually dying, and would love to have a second chance, do you really want to do this?
Please don't.
The starting post of this thread just angers me... you can't possibly know all these things about people, and you don't, because your claims are often wrong. Some people will never be able to "move on." People also react differently to problems; all will not even want to "move on." It's arrogant making these assumptions.
I'm not going to bother explaining why... you can check my old posts, if you really want to, although I haven't made all that many, yet.
I feel even more suicidal, after reading this.
Angers you how?
I do, in fact, know quite a bit about people.I've seen enough hurt in my own life to know what people can go through.I've seen a friend lose his mother through suicide but a few short months ago, leaving behind children and a husband.I've seen my grandfather suffer in a hospital bed for months slowing deteriorating with each passing day until his reached his end, and I see those around me blanketed by loneliness and willingness to give up.
How do you know some people will never be able to move on?Those who feel that way end their lives without knowing if they could move on.Look at the countless amount of people who've gone through what all you are going through, and have come out and battled and finally found some form of satisfaction in life?
You feel even more suicidal after reading my post?you feel even more suicidal about the anonymous musings of someone typing at their keyboard?C'mon, let's be real here, I'm trying to help, and you say this has worsened your willingness to live?think about it.:smile:
All the best
Winston
you know i agree with you.
i am just in so much emotional pain and it is really bothering me especially today. especially with what my brother said to me today. i simply asked him if he could come charge my battery for me because i had left the dang dimmer light inside on for forgetting to close the door all the way and you know what he said. his exact words were to me . the conversation went like this
me " hey can you come give me a boost on my car ? "
chris " what ? why ? "
me " well i accidently left my door open and the battery run down and i really need it charged so i can ggo get a few things from the store and maybe stop in at church > "
chris " well , if you had not doner that then the fu..ing battery would not be dead. why call me? call someone else maybe someone from church. you would not babysit for me so why should i go and help you. you are just stupid and i really do not care. you kept me from parting the other night. bye "
and then he hung up . now to someone else that may not seem mean and cold hearted but to me who basically has no one it hurts and then reading this makes it hurt more.
i am sorry i just got to get offline. the tears are so much and this emotional pain is so much hurting.
Hi there, White Dove
Firstly, I applaud your honesty in telling us of your hard times.The way in which your brother acted was incredibly mean, and shouldn't be tolerated.Have you told him how you're feeling?have you poured your heart out to him?Would he understand the sadness that you feel inundated with?If not, then do so soon, it might just change everything.If you have, and he didn't wanna know, then perhaps it best not to contact him for a while, and see how he reacts.If he comes to you, you'll know there's love.If not, then perhaps no contact will be for the best.
I sincerely hope that somehow, someway, you can find satisfaction in life.Never give up trying.You owe it yourself, and I hope you realise this.
All the best
Winston.
Winston,first I need to ask you one thing do you honestly know what it's like to feel depressed?and next of all everyone here is trying their utmost best to feel better,otherwise they wouldn't be here.Do they like feeling the way they do?Of course not.It seem's you think it's easier said than done,let me tell you if it was we'd have no one feeling depressed,suicidal etc.
I can understand where you're coming from,but I have to tell you simply if thing's were that easy for everyone to snap out of then they would simply in an instant second.It doesn't come down to simple so called will power,to those who don't understand depression and never have suffered it that's what they see and luckily for them they haven't had to experience this horryfying sickness.
People do their utmost better to improve their lives,nothing is as easy as flicking that light switch let me tell you.I've had Bi Polar,Ocd and bdd for most of my life and I don't think you have either of those for e.g.So simply I can't see how you can just assume that people are not making enough of an effort with their lives,especially if you don't walk in their shoes.
Hi, cheers for your honest reply.
I do realise that releasing yourself from such depression in life can be deemed an impossible task, but my concern is with those who simply feel the need t give up, rather than battling on and trying, in some way, to find some form of satisfaction?
In all honesty, the thought of suicide appalls me.It's not the way out, and I do hope people can find it within themselves to realise this?
Have I ever been depressed?Hmmm, has anyone ver not been depressed at some stage in their life.Obviously I haven't found myself locked within the realms of spiraling depression like some have on here, but when I have seen fist hand those affected by suicide, or in fact those affected by natural death, I feel obliged to ask questions, and wonder why, you see?
Why?
Yes, I'm young, just one year older than you are. But does my age matter? If I'm convinced that this life is not for me, am I less justified to end my life than, say, a 40 yr old? I guess your answer is "Well, you've got your entire life ahead of you", but my only response to that is: when choosing between a serene death or a life of internal agony where I constantly have to wear a "happy face" to the outside world, I will without doubt choose the former.
With respect, I don't anyone is justified to end their lives, regardless of what age they are.You're 19, and feel that the rest of your life will be internal agony, if you decide to carry on?In fairness, there's plenty options out there for people our age.I don't know what has made you sad, and I hope that you can one day find happiness, but do not be so fast to condemn life as en eternal struggle that is best off not living.#
Think about it.
All the best
Winston
My response -
Anyways, Families ought to be loving. Especially parents. It pisses me off when parents mistreat their children. If two adults cannot lovingly and properly take care of their children, then the adults shouldn't be having children.
Not every human being is well capable of managing on their own. There are people with disabilities and other issues who rely on their families/society for support. Without that support, alot of people would be lost. Many people who don't have that support, are lost. Many of those lost, become suicidal.
Relationship problems which exist, should be resolved within a short amount of time during the beginning stages of the relationship. If they aren't resolved, then it is understandable for breakups to occur, even if painful - for a temporary amount of time. However, if people are in long-term relationships, it is wrong if one of the people decides to leave the relationship because of a feeling/outlook change that person has. A long-term relationship usually means committment, and it is understandable why a person would be suicidal if their lover left them because of a feeling/outlook change.
Hi, and thanks for replying.
I have no problem in you picking parts of my post to condemn, and I welcome it.:smile:
Firstly, I totally agree with you in regards to the care that should be locked within families.We need them to guide us, and love us, but problems are always going to exist within family-life. Is killing yourself the best way to solve such problems?Of course not.
Of course people will feel lost, and we all do at some point in life, but there is always support out there.Some people are simply not confident enough to use it, but they shouldn't be afraid.Of course, it's nerve-racking and a totally frightening experience to have to go through, but if there's even a slight possibility that happiness can come of it, then it is a road that has to be taken.
yes, I fully accept that people will become suicidal due to hurt within relationships, but again, there's help for such problems.Do people really want to die, knowing how they felt when they ended it all, or do people want to somehow, someway, reach for the light that they know is there.
People have to realise that ending your life is not a plausible way of ending problems, and the only they can be ended, is if you keep going until they are gone.
I thank you all for your replies, and I hope that somehow I have helped someone out there.
All the best, and much love!
Winston.