I was wondering how many people here have gone thru the same thing I went thru recently. I used to be a very conservative fundamentalist Christian. However the moral contradictions in the bible, plus a number of other things about it, and life experiences, caused me to lose my faith. And it's very dissapointing because I made major life decisions based on said faith back when I first converted. Now I live with the consequences of a faith I no longer have. I try to think "well, everyone makes mistakes, I just have to pick up from here and go on with life" but that doesn't do the trick. I feel like I've been destroyed inside after living a lie for 10 years. To go from believing in a personal god that listens when you pray, and thinking you have eternal life "in the bag", to nothing is a traumatic experience. I guess it was inevitable. I ask too many of the "wrong" questions. You know, the questions they never talk about in those "answers for skeptics" type Christian apologetics books they sell in Christian bookstores. My wife was raised in a strict fundamentalist Christian home, but oddly she seems to be handling it a lot better than me. I have no external problems, really. Financially we're just fine. My wife is faithful and loving. The kids behave well. But like I said, I've been damaged inside. I feel like I don't have the ability to enjoy things and be happy like I used to, both prior to and during my time as a Christian. Without religion, life has no "magic" to it. I got addicted to having faith, but the very same beliefs that once gave me that "high" also gradually destroyed my ability to have faith in anything. :sad: And the withdrawl from that "drug" is just painful. Although I'm temporally comfortable, I have no hopes and dreams anymore. No fantasies about what I may be able to accomplish in life or what I am. No delusions of having a direct connection to the creator of the universe. *sigh* So anyways, does anyone know of a process I can go through to un-destroy my inner self? I'm willing to give it time and try hard. Even though the thought of ending it all and escaping this stupid world is a perpetual temptation in my mind, I don't really want to do it. I've got important things to do and people to love. But I can't do what I need to do if I go around hating being alive. Thanks for your time in reading this. -S.E.