I'm an attention *****. Hate that phrase but may as well call it as I see it. I thank, sincerely, so many of you here. It and you have been a comfort since I joined. I think I'm going to stop my meds. We'll see then if they really do anything maybe. Im just so tired of pushing and trying and falling and failing and over and over and over. It is nothing anyone has done or hasn't done, I need some of you to know that, and you'll know who you are. Im sorry I couldn't be who you wanted and needed me to be. I've said many times that I would end up hurting people and im sure I have, its just my innate stupidity and fear and lack of trust and all those types of wonderful things. it is just me. Im not sure what I do now. Im dreading what's coming up in a couple of weeks. Am dreading this coming week. Im sad that those who knew p haven't been in touch, have or are moving. Its like others I have lost that no one knew. Its hard. Its a tough few weeks with various dates etc anyhow. Im upset with those who assume or think I should be over the death. Over the multiple deaths in them last few years. Instead, one has reignited the thoughts of the others etc. I am genuinely alone. No confidant, no soulmate. Again, it is me, this is me. And I am sorry. I don't think I can do any of this for too much longer.