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Today could be the last

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by hardcore, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    I know nothing will ever change. I'll never see humans as good creatures. And life will just be one sad human timeline that I dont deserve. Maybe it isnt my fault that I am this way but I'm the only one that can take responsibility. Life is supposed to get better, not worse. I always thought that I wasnt good enough but that I would get better. What happened to all those years. Was I asleep? How was it that I never had more intimate encounters than akward hugs. And then found myself getting fucked by a gross 43 year old man while drugged up and telling myself I enjoyed it even though I'm not gay at all. How is it that I dont know how to interact with people? How is it that all I ever do is lead myself closer to death through drugs, bad diet, and smoking? I want to see the blood pouring out of my wrists, all I have to do is take alot of sleeping pills and cut away. And all of this will end. I dont want to have to go through life knowing that it will never get any better. I dont want to look in the mirror and see the pathetic peice of shit I am. I dont want to have to look at humanity and wonder why the fuck we are all here. I dont want to have to talk to people anymore. I dont want to have to try and figure out what is my dillusion and what is reality. I want to see the blood pouring from my veins. All I have to do is take alot of sleeping pills and cut away.
  2. Kishin

    Kishin Member

    hey there i know how your feeling. I am going to end this life on new years day. why then well i promised some people i would "give it another try" like it is going to change. I am not going to tell you that "things will get better" cause how the fuck do i know. and that "your special" cause if you feel the same way i do then you don't feel special at all, just a waste. i just wanted you to know your not the only one that feels like shit about life. if you would like to pm me go for it.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't hurt yourself I know you are in unbearable pain right now. Please stop and pick up the phone and call for help. Please call crisis and they will get you the help to stop this pain please. You want the pain to go away you want help to get out of this whole mess that your in please pick up the phone and call emerg dept call crisis and tell them the pain you are in tell them you want to harm yourself get help please they will help you they will take you somewhere safe where no one can hurt you Call crisis now okay call emerg dept tell them you need help now. Good for you coming here to tell us about your pain i hear you and now i want you to do more call crisis now please stay safe You deserve to get help and to be happy please you are important call now.
  4. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy


    I can completely agree with what you said. Almost everything. Except I told myself that I liked it when I got raped. And I don't want to see myself fail and it's started to get old.

    Please don't take pills and cut. It could go horribly wrong. I took pills and ended up throwing up the next day, all day.

    I can relate to most things you've said. If you need anything, I'm always here. You're in my thoughts.
  5. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    NENTHING EVER CHANGES. We cant exscape from the chaotic meaningless chao. I will never change. I've been fighting every to change my whole life. Why should the furture be any diferent. FUCK it im seduced by the good things, by the illsuion of morility. I want to be in a world where all the crime and filth is clean. Jesus took our sins but never cleaned the grime and filth.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2009
  6. TheEndMan

    TheEndMan Account Closed

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel like trying to dissuade you would be doing you a disservice, so I won't. Just know that I agree with some of the stuff you've said. But is it really right to end your life just because everybody else is out of control? You'd be adding to the chaos you hate.

    Just my thought. Good luck. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.
  7. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    hey hardcore
    how you doing?Let us know you are ok,ok hun?
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hardcore,please let us know how you are :hug:
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