I know nothing will ever change. I'll never see humans as good creatures. And life will just be one sad human timeline that I dont deserve. Maybe it isnt my fault that I am this way but I'm the only one that can take responsibility. Life is supposed to get better, not worse. I always thought that I wasnt good enough but that I would get better. What happened to all those years. Was I asleep? How was it that I never had more intimate encounters than akward hugs. And then found myself getting fucked by a gross 43 year old man while drugged up and telling myself I enjoyed it even though I'm not gay at all. How is it that I dont know how to interact with people? How is it that all I ever do is lead myself closer to death through drugs, bad diet, and smoking? I want to see the blood pouring out of my wrists, all I have to do is take alot of sleeping pills and cut away. And all of this will end. I dont want to have to go through life knowing that it will never get any better. I dont want to look in the mirror and see the pathetic peice of shit I am. I dont want to have to look at humanity and wonder why the fuck we are all here. I dont want to have to talk to people anymore. I dont want to have to try and figure out what is my dillusion and what is reality. I want to see the blood pouring from my veins. All I have to do is take alot of sleeping pills and cut away.