Today : Dec 7

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Painful2b, Dec 7, 2013.

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  1. Painful2b

    Painful2b New Member

    Today I nearly lost the only thing that has kept me going... My 14yr old cat. I know that may sound stupid to some but when nothing else matters because I am alone, he is my reason for getting up, going to work, and coming home alive.

    I knew this time would come when he would get old and die but I wasn't ready for it today. He went from being fine to on death's door in less than 12 hours. He labored through the night with difficulty breathing and in obvious discomfort. I waited until morning to take him to a vet only to find that he had fluid build up in his chest area which was compressing against his lungs. On top of that, he may have cancer and/or heart disease.

    As I waited for the results of his exam, I went through the possible scenarios. The obvious was to euthanize him immediately to release him of any pain and suffering. But the selfishness in me wanted to keep him alive for just a little longer. I don't know why that made any logical sense. He's an old cat, he has health issues that will only lead to him suffering, and I am only delaying the inevitable.

    I guess a part of me wanted to believe in hope that he will be fine. That his health problems will magically disappear. But they won't. It's only a matter of days or weeks before fluid will fill his chest again and he will be back to where he was today.

    When the vet brought him out to be with me, I thought he would be in bad shape and it would make my decision to let go easier. Instead, he seemed like his old self... Curious and somewhat energetic. It didn't seem right that he should have to die today if he was in "better health".

    But that hope faded as he got home and the sedatives wore off. He lost his energy and seems sad. Have I cheated him of bliss to make myself feel better? I am thinking yes. Am I a bad father? Maybe.

    But I kept him alive to give me purpose. When he goes, what will I become? I am already terribly depressed with life and with him gone, I no longer have the anchor that roots me to this world. With no friends or family I can talk to about this, I predict I will slip into an unchangeable course that will lead to my death.

    I am a middle aged man with no hope.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun you did what you had to do at the time and your deal old cat would not want to leave you either. Is there no way hun you can adopt another older cat that no one would want that you can give love to after your dear old friend does go I do hope you know i understand and i think anyone else would have done as you did take your friend home who knows maybe the fluid will not build up too quickly hugs to you
  3. Hey_i_love_you

    Hey_i_love_you New Member

    Hey, you'll be okay, I promise. Yeah, tough stuff happens, and I know that if I lost my best friend of 14 years I would be pretty beat up too. Most people might think that having a pet is just that; having a pet, but I know that it's more than that. They are really our family, our friends, and sometimes; our only companions. However, think about it this way, and really try hard because if will take a lot of determination to see this truth in life- If you lose him, you don't really. He will always be with you, and whether you are religious or not, believe that animals do or do not go to heaven, or whatever, you will always have the memories of him, which is all life is, and the power of memories is so strong. As long as you keep your cat in your memories, he will always be right there with you. Your cat must love you a lot, because I believe he hung on just for you today, but I think that you should maybe give him a release. And set him free of any pain that may await him. I know that this will be hard, but it's what needs to happen. And hey, without out pain, how could we know joy?
    Also, don't think that you need to skip the grieving process, because you don't need to and shouldn't you need to have time to reflect on everything and deal with it how you see fit, but don't take your life, I beg. If you need a reason to live, be it this, you don't get another one, and also, I love you very much even if I don't know you. Every human being, is important, and I love them all. Please, don't end your life.
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