Today depression update.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Oct 13, 2016.

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  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Today I working at home and afraid I might go into depression. But yesterday two good things happened and I am doing my best to watch my "ruminations".

    Several weeks ago I asked to switch groups because I was running out of work and worried about being laid off. Well they would not let me leave my current job, I fix integration problems on a global gaming network, work a lot at 5:00 am in the morning with Europe. I am down to about an hour a week for work -- hence waiting to get laid off. I work from home a lot, between the isolation and lack of work and others major issues I became depressed.

    Well, they gave me some busy work. Well now that work is tuning into work that is needed. So I am now doing work, that will be used in the network center, in what I believe to be current technology that I can leverage should I be laid off. The integration work I am doing is on a dying technology, not leverage-able. In summary this new work gives me hope.

    Now let's chat about the other major issue. The software I've been working on for over 10 years, looked like it died, at the same time my integration work was dying. That plus my other work dying, the isolation, etc. caused me to drop into a major depression.

    Well now my work of 10 years may have a second life. NPR just did a show about how software like mine is needed in the new world of "Clouds". My partner and are finally just finishing a mini-business plan that we will be sending to the major players in the medical cloud industry. So the NPR story also offered hope.

    So today I am working at home with tinges of depression gnawing at me trying to take hold. But I am doing by best to stay involved in work and interfacing whenever possible with others.

    So will see if I can spend the whole day working from home without dropping into depression. Here goes. . . .
    Brian777 likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    What about going out to a library or another public place so that you can still do work, but not be alone.
    curlyq likes this.
  3. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Definitely^^! Working at a library rathwr than home definitely helps me to be more focused and productive. How well do you know your business partner? Do you/would you want to socialize with them at all, beyond just talking about the project?
  4. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Public place is a good idea, but a problem. Some times I have on-line conference calls that can last several hours. It happens when something breaks in the network, they call me in. And I have confidential phone calls with my Business Partner that can for sure not be shared. :(

    Good idea, I know my business partner very well. We've known each other 30 years. He's on the east coast, I am on the west, we rarely socialize. He works an 80 week, that's why he's Partnering with me, he wants to quit his current job and do our gig. He slips in whatever time he can find to work on our stuff.

    So, now an update. I've had minor depressive slips, nothing major, yet. Couple ruminations that I slipped into without realizing it. I went sculling for lunch. It's close to 2:00. While not a 100% no depression day, so far so good.

    Thanks for your support.
  5. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    At 5:00 pm had a depressive plunge. I am fighting it right now. Rumination offers me such immediate comfort -- it's so freaken powerful. Anyway, I even went sculling today. Mr. Depression just wants control. The battle continues. Maybe i'll go chat a while and it will go away. Here goes . . . .
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