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Glad to see you won that struggle today and are still here.
Hope you can see the difference between what depression makes you feel like and what life can actually feel like without these dark thoughts. Depression is an influence like no other - it actually seems like we cannot carry on at times but underneath there is still the part of us, a lost voice almost, that is saying "I'm still here, don't I deserve a break?"
It is not so much that you are lost - its more like not actually having anywhere to go. We lose confidence in ourselves and lose the energy to do anything about it.
Depression is a real killer - kills off the hope in people which is a horrible thing to endure. Coping alone with it - sometimes we might hope it will go away. Often it might seemingly dissipate but like the sly ******* it is - it comes creeping back when you think life might be going somewhere.
Left untreated, things always get worse. We are our own worse counsellor - because no counsellor would last a minute if he or she tore into you with viciousness and lack of concern for your confidence. You can diagnose yourself perhaps, but treating yourself, I think its akin to trying to service some modern car with its onboard computer. You have to go to someone trained in the job at hand.
What have you tried so far?
Or are you like me in that you never tried anything much? I even refused to touch anti depressants, but yet I'd use other drugs which could be dangerous and have side effects.
I took the plunge and went to my GP. I knew that my technique of just hiding depression backfired and although I managed to never try and kill myself, I've wasted enough days thinking about dying, and had to 'man up' and see if life could be better.
Even just the act of 'admitting' it to my GP, was a relief.
Counselling is not for me as any good advice there will be found here also. I read many great posts here which inspire me.
I hope you can get some help and get your bearings. Feeling lost is a start as many just drift through life not really having any destination in mind or purpose. Losing hope is losing purpose but somewhere in your life there IS a purpose and some skill, some unique ability, just needs to be tapped into so you can break out of this dark dungeon of depression.
Hope you feel a little better and a few more people reassure you.
Good luck Pollo, and hope things pick up soon for you.