Today hit me really hard....I wrote a goodbye note but havent done anything

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dantesin, Jan 10, 2011.

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  1. dantesin

    dantesin Member

    I woke up feeling ok....really good in fact but then my boyfriend who also has depression has had a really bad day at work and called me to tell me how useless he is and how he isnt worty of me

    which makes me feel bad because hes amazing and he cant see it and wont listen to me

    he pressured me to take down my Facebook page which is how i keep in contact with friends and family around the world because he said that my photos were awesome and would make everyone look

    I have no self esteem and although the photos are pretty Ive gained maybe 20 pounds in the past year due to depression and my boyfriend not liking me going to the gym because there are guys there

    I feel so cut off from everybody, I love him so much and cant bear to be without him and dont understand why he thinks Il go and do something with another guy if i as much as meet a friend for coffee

    I feel so lonely, and days like today when he even cuts me off because he hates himself I just dont want to be here anymore

    Im better off dead, I wish I didnt have my 2 beautiful cats because they are the only reason I havent done it yet

    it wouldnt matter because I feel dead already

    feels better just writing my true thoughts weather anyone reads them or not
  2. lovelikerazors

    lovelikerazors New Member

    I had a boyfriend just like that. He didn't even want me around my own family unless he was there. he made me take down my myspace page and my facebook. I couldn't participate in school gym class, and i failed it. He was so worried about me cheating on him, that i ruined my own life, to please him. It got to the point that i felt like i couldnt live without him, but i couldn't stand to be with him, so i was going to commit suicide. My best friend talked me out of it, and i broke up with him, and it was the best thing i've ever done. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO GO TO THE GYM IF YOU WANT TO. You also have a right to have a facebook page, if he's so damn insecure that he can't stand you going to the guym, then he really isn't worthy of you, and you need to find someone better. That's not how a relationship should be, i thought it was, but its not. There cannot be love without trust. no matter what you say. he cannot love you, if he's acting like this.

    Hope this helps. :console:

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to get rid of that boyfriend He is no good for you. You do not follow his rules okay. You have your facebook You go to the gym work out feel better about yourself. His problems are HIS okay don't let him make them yours Hugs
  4. Ignore your BF because he is very selfish.. If he has got depression, ask him go see a psychiatrist and don't ever let his problem get into you. Tell him how you feel and ask him not to pour all his problems into you as it is affecting you as well and tell him how much you love him.. You shouldn't take down your facebook because it's how you stay connected with your friends and please don't shrink into yourself.. No matter what a member has posted in this forum, it will be read by others, so please don't think that nobody will read your post.. It is good that you know how to come to this place and tell us about what you are facing right now..

    take care..
  5. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    I don't think it's right that I tell you what you need to do, or what I think you should do, because only you know what's right for you. You say that you love your boyfriend and that counts for a lot, but at the same time it sounds like his own insecurities are causing you upset. I wonder if you'd be able to talk to him about how his actions are affecting you?

    It's maybe understandable that he is worried you will leave him (or whatever he thinks) because he has low self esteem and sees others as a threat, but maybe he needs to know that his actions are not helping you and if anything could well drive you away from him (e.g. by taking your life!). At the end of the day though he needs to TRUST you, trust that you are not on facebook to seek out others, etc.

    Of course I'm assuming here that you do want to work things out with him, because you say that you love him. I just hope that you are able to work things out with him, be open and honest.. maybe even show him the note that you wrote today!? And if he continues to really affect your own health then maybe some more thought needs to go in to whether he is the right one for you at this time.

    Please continue writing here if it helps.. and stay safe
    Jenny x
  6. dantesin

    dantesin Member

    Thanks for the support guys,

    I guess I have alot of things to work out

  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Glad you're still with us.. hope things are improving? xx
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