... at the concept of giving up. I have been giving up on things for years - been giving up on MYSELF for years. Listening to that voice in my head telling me that I do not deserve it, that other people's happiness is more important, that there are things that are simply not 'meant' for me. I have systematically convinced myself that the actual universe is conspiring against me to ensure that the things I want are out of reach. And who can fight the universe? Makes better sense to give up... ENOUGH with the giving up. ENOUGH accepting the status quo and trying to find a way to be happy with it. ENOUGH. If you want something badly enough and it will really make you happy - you make it happen. And no perhaps it cannot happen in the way you dreamed or imagined, and no maybe it cannot happen without upsetting and hurting some people - but sometimes temporary pain and anger is worth the end result. Sometimes telling the person you love "THIS IS HOW I FEEL AND THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO WANT TO LIVE" is the right - the only - thing to do. If they really love you back, they want you to be happy. It is okay to change and adapt - it is okay to compromise - but it is not okay to discard your dream - to give up on the thing that would make you happy - unless you have fought for it with EVERYTHING you have and tried EVERY possible route. GIVING UP on yourself and your happiness is never the right thing to do. You can be a martyr and sacrifice that happiness to avoid weeks or months of unhappiness for others - you can persuade yourself that the road is too hard and too painful for yourself - you can sit back and feel miserable and decide that it is easier to give up than fight. But none of those things end well. Today I am angry about the concept of giving up. I will not give up. "If you want something badly enough you will make it happen, if you don't, you will make an excuse." - that quote isn't always right and has pissed me off in the past - but right now that is how I feel. I want THIS THING more than I have ever wanted anything and I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON IT.