Today, I realized that I will never be appealing to any woman.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, Oct 9, 2008.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I'm 20 years old. When I was 12, my parents started homeschooling me. I didn't have any friends and I was perfectly fine with staying home, so I spent the next 6 years staying inside of my house and playing video games. I became so accustomed to staying home all day that now I'm uncomfortable with leaving my house. I don't have any interest in doing things outside of my house. I have way more fun when I'm at home than I do anywhere else, and I enjoy playing video games way more than doing anything else. I just have no interest whatsoever in anything outside of my home.

    I've never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never even held a girl's hand. Almost every one of my acquaintances at school has an active love life / sex life and talks about it casually. I'm the only one who's alone, the only one who's inexperienced, the only one who's unwanted, the only one who's unattractive. It makes me feel insecure and inferior to everyone around me. It's impossible for me to have any self-confidence when I can't see anything good about myself, and when everyone else around me has everything I've never had but always wanted.

    I never socially developed, so my level of social growth is stunted at age 12. I don't know how to talk to people, I don't know how to carry on a conversation, I don't even have any interest in talking to people face-to-face since I'm much more accustomed to the Internet. I'm about as charismatic as a rock and not witty or funny either.

    Today in one of my college classes, the professor told us to discuss the day's topic with a classmate. The classmate I got paired up with was a pretty girl about my age. While we were talking about the topic, we learned that we had a couple things in common, and started talking about ourselves instead. There wasn't any interest or chemistry between us; it was just idle chatter because the topic was boring.

    After we had talked for a while, she asked me what else I do for fun besides play video games, I couldn't think of anything to say. "Just video games," I said, and she looked terribly bored and uninterested. I asked her what she does for fun, and she listed a bunch of things that sounded horribly unexciting to me. Going to the theater, going to clubs, going to restaurants, going to the beach, a bunch of outdoor activities that were as far removed from video games as possible.

    Until then, I had clung to a shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, I might find a girl one day who would like me, think I was appealing, endearing. But people like me are a very rare phenomenon – people who are only interested in one solitary activity, and have no interest whatsoever in leaving their home. No one wants to spend time with a person like that, unless they share their one interest – and even then, they're only good for one thing. It's not uncommon for me to spend at least 16 hours of my day playing video games. Other people only play for around 1 or 2 hours and then stop.

    The girl tried to make conversation, but there was nothing for me to converse about. I don't have any interests, I don't have any hobbies, I don't have any passions, I don't have any fond memories, I don't have any important life experiences. I just have video games. I'm not interested in doing any of the things that other people do. And that's why I will never be appealing to any woman, and never have a friend who values me as anything more than a game partner.

    I'm facing a decision. Do I search for a girl who is just like me? Just as lonely, awkward, and desperate as I am? Someone who will accept who I am, appreciate who I am, and love me for me?

    But…There's no reason for anyone to love me. I have no value. I am nothing but an empty shell devoid of any interests, opinions, or experiences, beside video games. There's no reason to love a person who amounts to nothing but a sole hobby.

    Is my only option to totally reinvent myself, rebuild myself from the ground up, make up for 8 years of complete inactivity by going out and doing all the things I missed out on? Because no girl could ever find me appealing the way I am now, will I have to change who I am until I am an appealing person?

    That's easier said than done. I've spent the last 8 years living the same day over and over. My life is stable and secure and has been the same for as far back as I can remember. I don't want to change it. I don't want to introduce new things. This life is the only life I've ever known. I can't adapt to a completely new lifestyle.

    Think of it this way: What is your most firmly held belief? The thing you believe in the most, the thing you've believed in for as far back as you can remember? Now imagine someone tells you to stop believing in that thing. They want you to just take it and throw it out the window and start believing dozens of new things you've never believed in.

    That's what people tell me to do. They tell me "Get out more!" But it's not that simple. I can't break a cycle that's lasted nearly a decade with a snap of my fingers. It would be scary, it would be unfamiliar, it would be unsafe. It would take some kind of major catastrophe that FORCES everything to change in order for me to feel compelled to change the comfortable, stable life I've been living for the past 8 years, the only life I know how to live.

    Please help me. What can I do?
     
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Some people don't really even develop until they are 30, you're still very young. wait till your 30 at least to worry about things like this.
     
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Yeah, girls who don't like video games = lame.

    The girls I go for get excited when I use odd words ["measuring instrument" - simply to facilitate communication!]. You likely have esoteric appeal; some girls go for awkward, nerdy guys.

    Edit: Hell, one girl in my life is completely turned off and loses all interest if a guy says he doesn't like video games.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2008
  4. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    Don't think you will be unappealing to girls forever, you just haven't found the right one yet. You say you don't like leaving your house, but are there any public video game places where you live? Like here we have things like Game the World, basically a room full of people playing video games via some sort of system link or the internet. They have all night gaming sesions and stuff, it's awesome :tongue: if you could find somewhere like that then you'd be getting out without having to go out as such and you'd meet like minded people.

    And there ARE girls out there who go for gamers/'nerds' cause that's pretty much the only type of guy my best friend and I have ever gone for! :laugh: it's awesome just cuddling up and playing games for hours, why bother going to the cinema and paying when you can have so much more fun playing games and actually interacting with each other, right?:tongue:
     
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Apparently girls that like video games do exist :eek:hmy: I think its an urban myth.

    Its the holy grail for many a guy out there, and a lot say they like them...but fail miserably when tested :wink:

    lol good luck finding one though...and ya your 20, its early days for u my friend.
     
  6. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    I've always been something like you with the confidence and social skills. I was never homeschooled, but never had friends in school either. To this day I haven't talked to anyone I graduated with. It can get better though. And it's not as complicated as you think to "get out more". You just have to do it. Instead of sitting inside and playing a game, just get up, put some shoes on, and go out. Try a bar, social area, concert, anything. Just mingling or being around random people has helped me out a ton.

    I still don't have a girlfriend but that can be worked on with time. We are both still young, so much more good things to happen ahead. Just remember, and this took me forever to realize, that nothing works like a video game. It's not going to always come to you. If you don't force yourself to leave every now and then, you might just sit around and wander what would've happened. No matter what happens, the experiences are often worth it either way.
     
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    This is pretty freaky, I am pretty much in the same situation as you and I do remember reading your past posts and how much you relate to me! :eek:hmy:

    I am 21 and also have spent much of my life cooped up indoors playing on the computer, video games, etc. So I am VERY behind my peers, especially socially, really my only interests are video-games and computers, so I am very shallow and boring. I keep finding out in this forum that I am never alone in my situation, though we wouldn't want to wish our situations on others would we? I feel as though I should kill myself because I am such a freak and so far behind everyone else, or is it worth it to try to stop this bad cycle and try to catch up with the rest of society? It sounds easy to do the latter but actually doing it is another story am I right?

    I'm sure there are girls out there just like you and me, but then they also are very quiet and shy and spend their times indoors playing videogames so they can't meet a guy like you and me am I right? In college, most of the girls you'll probably see are completely different from us, all social and very outgoing and doing outdoor activities, not introverted and more indoor types like us.

    I do think that finding a girl and having a relationship and sex with her isn't the be all end all but this DAMNED society sure makes you feel that way doesn't it? When you are COMPLETELY surrounded by everyone who has a partner and you are the ONLY ONE that does not, you are the ONLY ONE, you are the sole freak in the ocean sea of normal people. I know exactly how frustrating that is!! :sad:

    I've been on this forum of so long but don't even want to make relationships here, I want to make online friends here, go to the chat room and send PMs but really don't. You and I have SO MUCH in common, I think out of anyone else here. I'd love to talk to you if I myself can open up some more. I can tell you that you feel alone in your college in your situation, but there are others like you around, myself right here included. :)
     
  8. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    I know it sounds scary and unexciting and things, but you never know m'dear, you might actually like going to the cinema or to the theatre. You get to watch a story, kinda like video games have a story.
    But one thing. Still keep what you're doing. But just add different things to it. Not sure what those different things may be yet. But just don't change. Not completely. Changing isn't good. Especially if its just to get a girl.
    There will be someone for you, honest there will :)
     
  9. jhayes0027

    jhayes0027 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I sit and think that just maybe our brains are still developing socially. I have always been in the same boat as you two up until recently. I'm not getting married anytime soon or anything but I've been getting out a bit more, and talking to a lot more people. I've met a few girls I could actually mutter out words and talk too but for the most part some of the girls I met felt as though they thought I would be an easy person to push over or control.

    This won't fly with me, but I just keep telling myself, this is just a start. One day I'll develop how I need to be, and will find the perfect girl for me. Just keep your options open. I find time to make myself get out on the weekends. Through the week I either am at work, watch youtube, or play WoW. Weekends though I try to switch it up a bit, or I will just sit home if I don't feel comfortable. Just don't subconsciously tell yourself that you are always too uncomfortable to try and get out.

    Completely changing too quickly would probably just hurt you in the longrun. I know I tried that once and ended up heartbroken, changed my whole appearance and habits. Now I'm stuck with some habits I wish i hadn't changed too. So just be careful with the people you decide to be social with. Never let peer pressure change you. A partner should love you know matter who you decide to be.

    I'm 23 btw.
     
  10. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    You need to break this habit before it's too late. IMO people who don't develop friendships or relationships in their younger years are going to be socially fucked. It's an important time to develop.

    Lucky for you, you're still young. 20 is nothing. My advice would be to try and find someone similar to yourself, somehow. I honestly don't know where you'd begin. Do you have a really old friend or something? Anyway, find this one person who is somewhat similar to you and try and 'break free' together.

    It's an impossible task to do it alone, but with someone else that you're comfortable with 'learning' to go out will be much easier, and even fun.
     
  11. Bravo8Dex

    Bravo8Dex New Member

    I'm sure a lady will find you attractive. Sitting at home playing video games does not in and of itself make you unattractive and theres certainly nothing wrong with video games either.

    But,
    Work on your social skills, and getting out. Hell, you might just have fun!

    Take baby steps at first. Cut a realistic amount of hours per week out of your gaming to get out. Maybe go outside and look at the leaves or hear the lawnmowers hard at work. Sit outside even, it's not illegal. Go for walks and try casual conversation with passer-by. I believe with time you will feel more and more brave to get out there!

    If you live with your parents, go grocery shopping! Be around people, it gets easier with practice and you may begin to enjoy this contact.
    The more you are out and away from the games, you will find other things you enjoy too! Think about cars and how complex they are. You and I both know if you tried you could find more to life than you may currently be familiar with. Try and if you fail, it won't be the first time someone has failed. If you know anything about being sucessful, it's not that sucessful people have never failed. In fact, they have failed numerous times, it's just that when they did, they got back up and tried again.


    Remember,
    You have value! Everyone has value whether they can see it or not! Don't let being unsure and uncertain ruin your chances of finding love because it's not being fair to yourself!

    Take care.
     
  12. delerious

    delerious Active Member

    well i myself am a female and i love video games, me and my boyfriend often just sit around his place for hours and play games together.. i think you'll find that there are alot of girls out there like you, you just need to find them.. but i know it's not all that easy, sometimes things just happen
     
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