Today I saw the pain.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chadaho, Feb 22, 2014.

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  1. Chadaho

    Chadaho Member

    I normally have been having quite a lot of trouble lately. But today I saw the pain I have caused. You might be hurting so bad you can't see the pain you're causing. I am begging and praying my girlfriend comes back. I have been terrible. I have only felt pain and havent even been able to see the pain I caused. The pain is so bad I gave up. I gave up and tried to get peace. Tried to escape the pain. With every attempt my pain got worse because of the damage I was doing to those I loved. I was loosing the people I loved most and it kept hurting more and more. I still feel all the pain. I still want the pain to end. I still need some kind of help. But I don't want to share the pain with everyone else. Not the kind of wealth I want to spread. I'm so sorry to those I hurt. Please forgive me.
     
  2. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Chadaho, I wish I could sit with you and talk in person and give you a real hug. I understand you not wanting to burden anyone you love with your troubles, but it's not good to keep them all to yourself, either. I can kind of understand how you are feeling; my ex-boyfriend left me because of my depression and I think that hurts the most because it's when you really need someone but don't want to say it out loud. From about a year down the road: I will say that although I still miss him sometimes, I have realized that he just wasn't in a place to take care of someone and frankly had some commitment issues himself.

    The important thing is that YOU feel better. First off, please give yourself a little break. What you're going through is extremely draining and scary and it's always okay to reach out for support. Have you considered speaking with a doctor, therapist or psychiatrist? It will at the very least give you a safe place where you can get things off your chest and hopefully have some help getting started in the direction you want to be going in.

    Please keep reaching out for support, you deserve to feel better and hopefully this forum helps with that. :hug:
     
  3. Nelly1921

    Nelly1921 Well-Known Member

    Chadaho - you were just in chat moments ago. You passed through. Im sorry we didn't talk. Reach out in chat. I wish you had, we were just talking about tea and growing mint. Don't forget to reach out to us for help too.

    Im so sorry your pain is so deep and visceral. I know you want that pain to go away. But if you go away, those you leave behind will take on your pain.

    You said you need some kind of help. Can you reach out for that. Its never too late. Doctors, Psychologists, phone lines, maybe friends and family. Please reach out for that help you deserve.

    And don't be afraid to walk into chat and say that actually things are not OK. There are lots of supportive people in there who would be happy to stop talking about tea varieties and listen to you.

    Take care
     
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Good that you are asking for help. Sorry you feel this pain but it is part of rationalising whats going on. Or what has gone on.

    Soon you will work through and have made a great leap in moving forward.
     
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