Today is so different

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Phrick, Mar 20, 2015.

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  1. Phrick

    Phrick Member

    I've spent the last about 10 days in various levels of hell - severe depression... I woke up today and it's different. By which I do not mean better. Today I don't feel as overwhelmingly depressed...today I am numb-er. I don't really feel ANYTHING. Not sad or depressed, or anxious; not happy or content. Not even tired, even though I have been up since 12:55am (thanks, coffee.) I got nothing. I don't feel. I am empty, just existing. Wait, that's a lie: I feel irritable, and restless - agitated - and a little desperate. But in a weird, no-context kind of way; it's weird to feel irritable and not have a source or cause to pin it to, which at the moment I don't think I do. I'm unstable, and alienated in the world.
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think I read in another post that you have bipolar disorder? I have bipolar disorder too, and when I get feelings of agitation, irritation with feeling restless and racing thoughts, it is usually a pretty big warning sign that an episode is imminent. For me, it will usually mean a mixed episode is on its way, so if I were you, I would seek some professional help ASAP because I know how quickly this can escalate.
     
  3. Phrick

    Phrick Member

    I do have bipolar 2, also GAD, possibly bpd. I am with a friend today she is VERY insistent on hospitalization. I can't get my head around it, I have no idea what she is seeing that I'm missing but I trust her - I know there's something I'm missing that has her so concerned. Plus she's a mandatory reporter (which I knew before I ever confided in her, I knew what I was potentially getting into)... I don't want to force her hand in that department so I'm doing my best to be cooperative. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFRICK. This is about the last damn thing I want to do. Yes it's a good idea - yes it's crap timing. I need to go call my doc and see how this process even works in this state.
     
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