today is the day i have decided to stop the pain and put an end to my miserable life. everything is planned for when i get back home later. although people may not agree i hope they can understand why. iv'e left my estate to one member of the family to start up in business in memory of my wife. i am so much at ease now knowing that i will soon be joining her. i am not afraid of dying, i welcome it with open arms. just one concern remains for me- what if it doesn't work. i have to attend appointment with councellor today i will not be mentioning this to him.