Hello, I just joined. I am an adult with Asperger's syndrome. I am very intelligent, and I have 2 degrees and I am a member of Mensa..but none of that helped me to learn to deal with my difficult neurology. I am naturally very anxious and depressed and I feel everything very intensely. I have powerful emotional responses to ordinary events., and I am emotionally drained all the time. This has left me mostly a hermit. So hard to be around people. I have worked VERY hard at hiding it. Over the last few years I lost my marriage, my home, and 3 of my 4 sons said they had had enough of my being so emotional, and cut all communication. I never discussed my anxiety and depression with them, or ever mentioned my suicidal thoughts to them. I learned to perform as well as I could. My second son was gravely injured in Iraq and lost his left arm. both of his eyes, and has brain damage. My marriage fell apart after this happened. I am just not healing and the depression is so bad it's a physical sickness. I feel like I am falling all the time. Despite all my academic accomplishments, I have too much anxiety to work, and I collapse in social situations...Asperger's. Today has been really bad and I have been coping with compulsive thoughts of dying all day. I am worn out. I have come close many times over the years. I was suicidal as a small child even. But at that last minute, I always back off from it, because I am not sure that killing my body won't leave me in an even more horrible state of being. I just don't know..so that keeps me from following through. I don't really want to die, I just can't endure the pain. I am glad to find this forum. I tried to get professional help a few times but they were so unhelpful that it was made worse. I have severe drug sensitivities, and have never been able to tolerate any medications. I am really alone now. And I feel like I am falling off of a tall building all the time. Really hard. Thanks for listening.