Today might be my last day

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Nov 8, 2011.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I had a plan all ready to go but I don't think I can wait that long. I had to break my relationship off. Now I don't have a point in living. Any help I ask for, people will only try to stop me, so I'm not sure where to turn.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm well, I say keep living to break yourself of the horrible addiction we call relationships. That is why I am still around. That is not to say I am without temptation or weak moments.

    I am not sure what else I can say. Maybe you need to get away from your place. You know go on a mini vacation of sorts. Go some place far away and unfamiliar and relax. Sometimes staying in one place makes us stew in the already negative emotions.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You broke off the relationship you did not say why was it because it was abusive You need to take time for just healing YOU okay Phone up someone your doctor talk to someone and get some help to get you out of this dark place you are in. It is possible hun okay please reach out and get help
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I broke it off because he was doing heroin and lying to me about it over and over again. He kept hurting and disrespecting me. But I have nothing left now. He was my everything. Losing him means losing myself. I have no energy or willpower to look for anyone else and I am pretty convinced that today is the day
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    You feel that way now, but do you know how you will feel a month from now? How about six months? A year? 3 years?

    Time will heal you, I promiseā€¦ right now it's hard-- I think we've all been there. But you have to give yourself time to heal. It's not going to feel the greatest, but if you can get through it, things will get better I promise.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU are strong you showed that by breaking up and getting away from the onesided relationship He chose drugs you really did not have him the drugs will always come first with an addict. You deserve better okay so call crisis line now get the help you deserve NOW and get on the path of healing okay as i said time to heal YOU now
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well, I think it's a positive thing that you did break it off with him , it sounds like he was bringing you down.
    Please, before you think about suicide or harming yourself, call the samaritans they will listen to you and be there for you.
  8. Lost_Daughter

    Lost_Daughter Well-Known Member

    I agree with the other responses. You broke it off because deep down inside you know you are worth more than that and deserve better. It may be hard for you to accept but you have something much greater than him to live! You are not alone.many others have been in similar situations and have pulled themselves off the ground and learned to fly. It takes time sweetie, you must first learn to crawl before you can walk. Research and find support groups in your area where u can talk to others that are going through the same struggles you are as well as people who have recovered from bad experiences who can offer guidance and help. You can't change the past or predict the future, all you can do is live for today and keep believing in yourself. Don't give up, you are loved more than u know :)
  9. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I'll get over him a year from now, yes, but I won't get over the worthlessness and hopelessness I feel inside. I know because it's the same feelings I've felt for many years now. They don't go away...but I will make them.
  10. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I broke it off because I couldn't handle the pain of him treating me that way, and I'd rather be dead than deal with it, which I will be.
  11. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    One of my ex's and I are still (somewhat) friends and he claims to still care about me and love me, so I chose to tell him what I was going to do. He called me to talk, but then he got another call coming in, and took that instead. Marvelous.

    Also, this same ex called my therapist and told her I was having a really hard time and asked her to call me. She said okay. She hasn't.

    I went to see a different therapist today to try to get some sort of help, because my regular one wasn't in today. All she recommended was inpatient treatment, and criticized me, saying that other people have it worse off than me. Thanks, you judgmental bitch. Regardless of my situation, it's my feelings that matter, and it's my feelings that are going to kill me today. Not the situation I'm in. And what I feel is betrayal, emptiness, worthlessness, hopelessness, and misery. The pain that you could have worked much harder to help subside.

    My mother has made me feel as though hates me right now as well because she found out I was doing drugs in the past and flipped the fuck out on me at the worst possible time. Just over an hour after my relationship ended. She told me last night that I was ruining her life and mine.

    And my ex-husband...well, I talked to him today because when we were together we promised each other that if anything that ever threatened to break us apart had happened, we'd die together. He lied about that. He seems ready to me to continue on with his life. As long as he has heroin, and money to buy heroin with, he's content. I don't matter, and probably never did.

    And those are the people who have previously held me together. Now, everything has crumbled and I am left with nothing. Hopefully this will be my last post and I finally find the peace I've been wanting for the past 7 years.

    I am now going to work on my suicide note and try to say goodbye to a couple more people. I can't wait until I get all the supplies I was going to get. I am going to attempt with the household objects I already have and try my luck. Hopefully by this time tomorrow I will cease to exist.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2011
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