Today Might Be The Day....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thatguy85, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. thatguy85

    thatguy85 Member

    I just can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. I was rejected for another job today, before I even applied. Not qualified. I spent five years in college but I'm not qualified to work in food service? Trying to get that job is the lowest I've ever sunk in my life, and I just can't go any further. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. It's been two years and I have nothing left. All it takes it one blowup with my parents (which I really think might be coming) and I'm out the door. And since I have no money, no job, and won't trouble my friends with my own problems...you do the math. I've heard it takes about three weeks...that's a long time but maybe the suffering won't be as bad as some other ways. I've actually had this plan for a while, since I knew this day was probably coming. I know what I'm taking with me so I at least have some water and shelter while I wait.
     
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi

    I'm sorry you didn't get the job.. it doesn't sound fair at all that you were told you were not qualified despite having studied all those years. Job hunting is definitely draining and an emotional rollercoaster at the best of times.. on top of that you have a lot of other things going on in your life too :(

    Can I ask why you don't feel able to trouble your friends with your problems? Are they good friends? Do they confide in you? Sorry for all the questions I was just wondering why you don't feel able to share this with them..

    I really do hope that things with your parents do not escalate so that you're not in the situation of feeling you want to leave and end your life. Do your parents know how you're feeling at all?

    Take good care of yourself
    Jenny
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I have noticed that a lot of employers seem to think a college degree means you want more money. A friend of mine went through something similar. He has a masters degree and could not get any job. In the end you have to keep trying. That is all you can do.

    As for your parents. If you feel the blown up is coming stop yourself. It might hurt, but what is worse? Being homeless or insulted?
     
  4. thatguy85

    thatguy85 Member

    Jenny,

    Thanks for responding. Regarding my parents, they don't know that I'm potentially suicidal, but if they did they'd just be angry. That'll make more sense once I tell what happened this evening.

    As far as my friends...I really only have two, maybe three, close friends. Only one of them lives near me anymore and he's a newlywed on a tight budget. So he's got enough stress and I certainly don't want to burden him with my problems. My friends confide in me occasionally, and I confide in them occasionally, though not as much anymore. I never feel like my problems are worth anyone's time. Of course now I'm confiding in complete strangers online, but I guess that's because I realized I needed somewhere to go and I figured this was the best place...plus I don't have to worry about the repercussions of people I actually know finding out how messed up I am.
     
  5. thatguy85

    thatguy85 Member

    So the blowup over me not getting that job did happen tonight...I probably could have avoided it, but I didn't. Maybe I just wanted them to kick me out, since then I'd have no choice but to go die somewhere, instead of making that decision myself. Like I've said before, I just don't have the guts to do it. Anyway, there was a lot of yelling and cursing (on the part of all three of us)...my dad was so mad I thought he was going to jump across the table and strangle me (not literally but to give you a picture of how mad he was). I didn't get the "get a job or get out" ultimatum I expected either, so basically all that's changed is there's just a lot more tension here now, which just makes living here worse. Of course each time one of these happens (about once a month generally, and each one is generally worse than the last), I get more of an idea of what they think of me. And what they think isn't good.
     
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi! :) Just wanted to stop by and say I'm glad that your parents didn't kick you out of the house...and to say I wish you well. :hug: Regards...Mr. A
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well friend, know that as long as you are trying to get a job. You are not leeching... just keep trying friend.
     
  8. So Fetch

    So Fetch Member

    Are you volunteering at all? A lot of graduates find it difficult to find work because employers are looking for transferral skills and experience in the work environment, as I'm sure you know anyway. Volunteering whilst job hunting will serve multiple purposes. You'll be keeping busy, which can be a life saver, you'll feel validated and you'll get the experience that you need to sway the employers.

    Well done for actively seeking work. That in itself is an achievement for anyone who is struggling with distressing thoughts and feelings.
     
  9. thatguy85

    thatguy85 Member

    I have volunteered while I've been looking for work, though not in the field I want to work in. I haven't been able to find any volunteer opportunities in that field. But it got to be too expensive having to spend money on gas to commute to that volunteer job, so I had to drop it. I thought I made some good connections there and got some good references, but nothing's come of that so far.

    As far ask seeking work being an achievement...I don't know about that. I'm barely seeking jobs that I want to do now and am reduced to trying to work at gas stations or fast food places. I appreciate the encouragement though.
     
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